Possible Alternate Wesleyan Writing Sample

Notes Towards a Libretto

My great grandmother was walking down the street, arm in arm with my great grandfather. She was nine months pregnant and people scowled to see her promenading around, as they thought it wasn’t seemly. But she smiled away, blissfully happy in the start of her new family. But she tripped on a curb and fell to the ground, right in front of the wheel of a horse-drawn cart that was moving too quickly. The drivers were Roma – gypsies; they stopped in town for supplies, but were told to get out, so they trotted along with the authorities behind them. The cartwheel decapitated my great grandmother. Her head rolled over next to her body and sat blinking; looking at it while her body went immediately into labor. My grandmother was born, while the head of my great grandmother lay watching. As soon as the baby started to scream and people watching could see it was all right, my great grandmother’s head closed its eyes and lay still. The new father sat horrified, holding the screaming baby. Not knowing what to do, he handed it to the cart drivers, who drove out of town and never returned again.
They named the girl Sarah and raised her as one of their own. They were good parents to her, but she never felt like she belonged, since she knew her story and she didn’t look at all like a Roma. When she was 18, she left them and eventually came to America. She met a recently discharged GI and married him, buying a house in the suburbs. After one year, my mother was born. After 10 years, my grandmother left to run away with the circus, as an accountant. She never felt like she belonged with the Roma, but she never felt like she should stay rooted to one spot either. She took my mother with her. My mother stayed for a while, juggling and taking tickets from customers. She became best friends with the boy in the trapeze act. His family was Roma, so they spoke Romany in common. A year and a half later, my grandfather found her and with a judge’s order, took back my mother and never let her go to the circus again while he lived. When my mother was eighteen, he died of a heart attack.
My mother had just graduated from high school and had no clear idea of what to do afterwards, when my grandfather died. He had been hinting strongly that she ought to consider spending a year or two someplace where she could meet eligible young men and then get married. But he was gone now and she went to find her mother instead. My grandmother was still with the same circus, doing the accounting. My mother went out to where they were to meet her mother as a surprise. She still looked back on her time with her mother at the circus as the happiest eighteen months of her life. She saw her mother standing across the ring, in the big tent, talking to the ring master and called out to her. My grandmother recognized my mother and went running across the ring to see her. Just then, in a freak accident, the rope came undone holding the swing where a trapeze artist was practicing. He started to fall to the ground and landed on my grandmother, killing her, but he survived with only a twisted ankle. It was my mother’s best friend from when she had been with the circus. They married eighteen months later.
My mother learned to juggle again and tried keeping the books to replace my grandmother, but wasn’t good with numbers. In 1969, I was born. In 1970, my mother discovered feminism. My father said there was no place for any of that nonsense in the circus or in his family, so my mother took me and left. We went to live on a women’s land collective in the Midwest. When it broke up, we spent several years at a yoga retreat. When the yogi was expelled, we went to live in a vegan cooperative. Eventually, I rebelled. At sixteen, I ran away and ended up becoming a makeup consultant at a department store. It didn’t pay very well, though, so I started taking classes to become a CPA. Then I got a call from Michigan that my mother was dying. I went out there immediately and reconciled with her. I spent the last month of her life taking care of her. When she died, I had barely enough money for the funeral. Her friends helped out a lot. I told the mortician that I would be doing her makeup myself. He didn’t argue much, like he normally would because his makeup person had just quit. When I finished with her, she looked so life-like that he offered me a job. I put makeup on corpses and did the books. Eighteen months after burying my mother, I married the mortician.
His family never liked me. They had wanted him to marry his last makeup artist and didn’t forgive him when she went and married somebody else. The history of my family didn’t help much. His family had lived in the same town for five generations and owned the same mortuary for three. His grandfather started out as a gravedigger and worked his way up. That stability was all I wanted, but they thought I was going to run away from him like all the women in my family ran away, and they were right, I eventually did and he ended up losing the mortuary because of me.
When he and I were separated and getting divorced, I got drunk with my best friend in town. She kept asking me why it was over and finally I told her. I didn’t even remember telling her the next day, but she told her best friend who told the hairstylist, who told Mrs. Lewis on account of her daughter just dying. Mrs. Lewis took her daughter’s body out of town and people got to wondering why, so Mrs. Lewis told them. It was a small town, after a short while, everyone knew. He and I both had to leave town. He went east, I went west. I finally took the test to get certified as a CPA. Now I work in this building.

Advantages over tuba paper: it’s done. it doesn’t need a bibliography. it’s all spelled ok.
disadvantages: it’s tawdry. it’s not necessarily well written. bizarre. also, gypsies are a very opressed minority group and it may perpetuate stereotypes or offend well-informed members of the admission committee (they’re all musicians, but there’s an excellent ethnomusicology department). On the othher hand, it might not be offensive at all. I have no idea.

Instant Messenger One-sided Conversation

dahdah35: hi
dahdah35: how r u ???
electrogirls: fine. r u a dadaist?
dahdah35: what is this!!!
electrogirls: me must sharpen our airplanes to bayonett the heads of sumatran babies bang bang
electrogirls: dada signifies nothing
dahdah35: i dont know
dahdah35: !!!
dahdah35: so asl plz
dahdah35: 🙂
dahdah35: where r u 😕
dahdah35: :/
electrogirls: Dada is our intensity: it sets up inconsequential bayonets the sumatran head of the german baby; Dada is life without carpet-slippers or parallels; it is for and against unity and definitely against the future; we are wise enough to know that our brains will become downy pillows that our anti-dogmatism is as exclusivist as a bureaucrat that we are not free yet shout freedom –

electrogirls: A harsh necessity without discipline or morality and we spit on humanity. Dada remains within the European fram of weaknesses it’s shit after all but from now on we mean to shit in assorted colors and bedeck the artistic zoo with the flags of every consulate
electrogirls: We are circus directors whistling amid the winds of carnivals convents bawdy houses theaters realities sentiments restaurants HoHiHoHo Bang

electrogirls: We declare that the auto is a sentiment which has coddled us long enough in its slow abstractions in ocean liners and noises and ideas. Nevertheless we externalize facility we seek the central essence and we are happy when we can hide it; we do not want everybody to understand this because it is the balcony of Dada, I assure you. From which you can hear the military marches and descend slicing the air like a seraph in a public bath to piss and comprehend the parable

electrogirls: Dada is not madness – or wisdom – or irony take a good look at me kind bourgeois Art was a game of trinkets children collected words with a tinkling on the end then they went and shouted stanzas and they put a little doll’s shoes on the stanza and the stanza turned into a queen to die a little and the queen turned into a wolverine and the children ran till they all turned green

electrogirls: Then came the great Ambassadors of sentiment and exclaimed historically in chorus
psychology psychology heehee
electrogirls: Science Science Science

electrogirls: vive la France
electrogirls: we are not naive
electrogirls: we are successive
electrogirls: we are exclusive
electrogirls: we are not simple
electrogirls: and we are all quite able to discuss the intelligence.

electrogirls: But we Dada are not of their opinion for art is not serious I assure you and if in exhibiting crime we learnedly say ventilator, it is to give you pleasure kind reader I love you so I swear I do adore you

electrogirls: I’m from California. How about you?

http://www.peak.org/~dadaist/English/Graphics/mr_antipyrine.html

The text for the Wesleyan Application (not counting the writing sample)

(2.) If you have attended more than one undergraduate college or have transferred from one graduate school to another, please attach a statement giving the reasons for your transfer.

I attended junior college in the evenings and during the summer while I was still a high school student. I transferred to Mills when I graduated from high school.

(3.) List any work experience relevant to this application on an additional page.

I volunteer for Other Minds, a New Music nonprofit in San Francisco. I started as the driver for their festival. Shortly after that, they got possession of the KPFA music archives, featuring interviews with every important composer between 1969 and 1992. They are planning to use their library for a web radio project. I am helping them catalog their tape archive and pick out interesting tapes to submit for grant applications. I also work for them as a volunteer sound engineer and produced or helped produce several CDs used for grant applications and I gave them technical advice regarding the web radio server hardware and software.

(6.) Briefly describe any research which you have done on a separate sheet of paper.

I have not done any research.

(8.) List standardized U.S. graduate admissions tests you have taken or plan to take (i.e., GRE, MAT, TOEFL, Graduate Foreign Language). Have scores sent to the above address.

I plan to take the GRE.

(10.) On a separate sheet or sheets, please describe in detail your academic background abilities, interests, and objectives. What attracted you to your chosen course of study and why do you feel that Wesleyan’s program is suited to your needs?

When I was in high school, my two loves were computer programming and tuba playing. I chose to pursue a career in programming for economic reasons, but I’ve often wondered about the tuba-playing road not taken.

I went to Mills College to study Computer Science, but I quickly found myself gravitating toward the Center for Contemporary Music. I had some limited exposure to New Music before college, thanks to an excellent community radio station, but was not aware of it other than casually listening to noise bands. What I learned at Mills changed everything I thought about sound and music creation. I studied electronic music with Maggi Payne. She taught synthesis techniques on a large Moog Modular Synthesizer. The sound and the possibilities for music making were incredible. I thought that the Moog was fantastic. I loved making music with it and the approach to sound creation that went with it. I decided to double-major in Computer Science and Electronic Music.

I learned to compose music for tape by recording source sounds, such as field recordings or interesting synthesizer patches and mixing them together, so that mixing is as much composing as finding or creating the source sounds. It shaped how I think about composing. This is still the method I use for creating almost all of my pieces. Sometimes, there is a metaphor or idea that ties all of the source sounds together, but often I just record interesting patches until I have “enough” of them. Then I look for interesting ways to mix them together. I love doing this because of the focus on pure sound, rather than algorithms or theory and also because of its tactility.

In addition to studying synthesis, I played tuba in the Contemporary Performance Ensemble and also took classes in recording techniques and computer music. I learned to program in MAX and experimented with unusual input devices, like the Nintendo Power Glove. I took all of the required classes in music history and theory and also classes in Computer Science, my other major. Those classes covered programming concepts relevant to computer music including networking and programming languages. I also took an independent study class in analog electronics, to better understand the internal workings of analog synthesizers.

My senior concert was a collaboration between another composition student and myself. We decided to have multiple pieces playing at the same time, like one of John Cage�s music circuses. I wrote three pieces of tape music and one MAX patch that ran on a laptop throughout. I also wrote five or 10 small pieces for wandering trios that played throughout the program and I assembled one small installation. My partner and I collaborated on a piece for electric guitars and vibrators. She wrote most of the trios and a percussion trio with three movements. We created a web page about this concert, with information for performers and attendees. It is still on-line at http://casaninja.com/concert/.

After graduation, I worked at a startup company that made products related to e-commerce. I did web programming and worked on their server. The company was a bit chaotic. Periodically, the management would come by and tell everyone that we were just about to have an IPO, or get more funding, or be bought by someone, in the meantime, we just had to give up a few more evenings and weekends. I did not write any music at all while I worked there, because the schedule took over all of my time.

When someone I had met at an earlier interview called to ask if I would like to go work at Netscape and have more free time and make more money, I accepted. The job was interesting and I had enough time to make music and the means to obtain equipment. I purchased a MOTM Modular synthesizer and started recording tape music and posting it to Mp3.com. I also submitted a tape to Woodstockhausen 2000, which they played. My goal was to have two careers simultaneously. I would be an engineer and a composer. It might have worked except that I was commuting 50 miles each way to work and it was starting to burn me out. I realized that music had become a hobby rather than a vocation, so I started looking for work closer to home.
In 2001, I was laid off.

While I was searching for another job, I continued recording tape music and posting it to Mp3.com. I joined a group of noise music composers on the service. We thought that by working together, we could raise the profile of noise music in general while also advancing our music careers. One of these artists had a small record label and released two songs of mine on a compilation disk. One of your alumn(ae?), Judy Dunaway, contacted me about a paper she was writing on the mp3 phenomenon and we began a correspondence.

Around the same time, the Exploratorium, a hands-on science museum in San Francisco, issued a call for proposals for temporary installations that focused on sonic characteristics of the museum. I collaborated with two other people in two proposals, both of which were accepted. The first installation used piezo contact microphones attached to exhibits with moving parts. The sounds were amplified, unprocessed so that passers-by could hear the quiet sounds they would not otherwise notice. For the second piece, I wrote a MAX/MSP patch to demonstrate the resonant frequencies of a part of the building. It used the type of feedback loop that Alvin Lucier used in his piece I am Sitting in a Room. (One of the other participants ironically remarked, after I described our installations, �So you guys are a little influenced by Lucier.�)

Shortly thereafter, my domestic partner was also laid off, so I postponed my job search and we spent the summer traveling in Europe. I wrote no music while I was there, but I visited several modern art museums, and went to the Venice Biennale. I also visited Dunaway in Germany at ZKM, the research center that commissioned her mp3 paper. I was very impressed with the facilities there and the idea of music research.

When I came home, I had hundreds of musical ideas. The first was to switch career tracks to focus on composition. I wrote several pieces of tape music, and then I decided that I wanted to write more music for live performance, so I organized a five person percussion group and wrote a couple of pieces music for them. The group performed them at an art a local artist�s gallery opening. I also did computer consulting and started volunteering for Other Minds, a New Music nonprofit in San Francisco. (See relevant work experience.) I was not sure how to pull my work and aspirations together into a career.

Last spring I attended the Composing a Career Conference sponsored by the Women’s Philharmonic. Almost everyone else there had a masters degree and the presenters all assumed they were speaking to a masters-level audience. Realizing that I needed more education, I started looking into graduate programs. I also started submitting tapes to festivals and calls for scores. One of my tapes was accepted at Woodstockhausen 2002.

Tragically, shortly after the conference, while I was on my way to visit Jack Straw Productions in Seattle, my mother was diagnosed with a brain tumor. She had surgery and started radiation treatment. All of my music work and consulting jobs were put on hold so I could spend time helping to take care of my mom. The treatment was not helpful and she died in the middle of October.

I spent several weeks after her death re-thinking my life plans. A few weeks ago, I decided that I wanted to continue with my chosen track. I submitted a score to Jack Straw Productions for inclusion in a Trimpin installation and they accepted it. I also started pulling together applications to the graduate schools that I picked out in the spring. Your program caught my interest because of your faculty, especially Professor Lucier, with whom I hope to study.

At Wesleyan, I hope to learn more about electronic music and also about composition for live performance. I would like to learn new techniques for creating music, including computer sound generation and digital synthesis. I would also like to learn about building installations and other electronic musical tools. I hope to learn more mediums for composition. I would also like to explore more writing for traditional instruments. Wesleyan has a reputation for performance as well as composition and I hope to be able to work with some of the performers studying there.

After I graduate with a masters degree, I hope to find success as a freelance composer. I am also interested in doing music research at a center like STEIM, IRCAM or ZKM, or a comparable center in the United States. I know that Wesleyan could give me the skills and education necessary to achieve this goal. Your excellent reputation would also help my professional aspirations. I hope you will consider me for your program.

Giant Tortilla Xena!

I had band practice tonight. It was pretty low energy, partly since I’m kind of tired and also partly because we all stuffed huge pieces of foam in our ears because Chand, plays very very loudly. Anyway, the foam sort of overcorrected. After kind of a short time, we decided to come up stairs and drink coffee and have cookies. Chand was looking at the dog and exclaiming how cute she was. He said, “She’s so cute, I just want to wrap her up in a giant flour tortilla. Not that I want to eat her or anyhting, just to hug her, you know, in a tortilla. That would be hard to find though. You’d have to find somebody with a really big tortilla stone.”
What is it about drummers? I felt stoned just listening to him as he expanded on this idea further. This is a near-verbatim quote, btw.

Wesleyan Portfolio – disk 1

now with more songs!

  1. Breaking Waves 2001. This piece was composed in responce to a call for tape pieces by Ibol Records. It was released on a compolation disk called Random Spheres of Influence. The source sound for this is white noise from a MOTM synthesizer. It was then processed with Audio Catalyst software, by convertng it to mp3 format and then back to AIFF format and then to mp3 and so forth, so the original sounds would degrade and alaising would become apparent. It was mixed with Pro-tools. I called it “Breaking Waves” because the white noise was reminiscent of ocean sounds at the beach and also because the sound breaks apart into something different.
  2. Phase 2001. This piece was created with a Future Retro 777 synthesizer. I used the same pattern on the sequencer in three differnt loops, but the pattern was cut to different lengths so that the lopps fall in and out of phase with each other. It was mixed with Pro-tools. This was featured in the now-defunct Nonsequiter ezine.
  3. Bitter Day 2000. This piece was created with a MOTM synthesizer, with some sounds controlled by keyboard. It was mixed and compressed with Pro-tools. This was posted to Mp3.com and has been played on Internet and pirate radio. The notes for it are based on Amos 8:10:

    Your festivals will turn into mourning
    And all your songs into lamentation;
    It will be like a time of mourning for an only daughter,
    And the end of it will be like a bitter day.

  4. Monopoly Capitalism 2000. This piece was created in responce to a call for works by the Woodstockhausen festival and subsequently played there in 2000. It uses sounds from Casio Tone, a Moog Taurus II, a Jomox Airbase, a MOTM, midi control via a custom MAX patch, and vocals processed with a Midiverb. It was recorded to ADAT and mixed with an analog mixing board. The program notes for it were:

    I was at the world’s largest chain of copy mats when the guy standing next to me was busily copying an article called “Monkeys and Monopoly Capitalism.” I got to thinking about how monkeys follow supply and demand. And about religion and the Wall Street Journal. But mostly about a neglected MAX patch that wanted to be recorded.

  5. Headerless Data #1 2001. This piece was created using Photoshop software. I generated an image in photoshop and then modified the resultant data with Sound Hack, by adding headers to turn it into an AIFF file. It was mixed in Pro-tools.
  6. Chaos Patch 2000. This piece was composed with a MOTM synthesizer using analog chaos. Three oscilators were patched together in an FM loop, so that the output of each one was the FM input of the next one. It was recorded and mixed with Pro-tools in one night while awaiting returns from the state of Florida during the last presidential election.
  7. April Noise 2000. The sounds for this were generated with a MOTM synthesizer and an Evenfall Minimodular synthesizer, all during April 2000. It was mixed with Pro-tools.
  8. Choral No. 1 2000. This was recorded using a MOTM synthesizer and mixed in Pro-tools. It was played on German radio in 2001.
  9. Drum Decay 2001. This piece uses a feedback loop like the one Alvin Lucier used in I am sitting in a Room. The drums sounds were generated with Rebirth software and then processed via a MAX/MSP application, a bass amplifier and a microphone. The results of that were processed with Sound Hack and then remixed in Pro-tools.

Wesleyan Portfolio- disk A

Airwaves

  1. Airwaves #1
  2. Airwaves #2
  3. Airwaves #3

The Airwaves series will eventually include seven pieces. These were recorded in 2002 and are my most recent pieces of tape music. I had the idea for them while I was the driver for the Other Minds 8 music festival, after a series of conversations I had with Annea Lockwood, while chaufeuring her around town. We were discussing how somtimes electronic music that is recorded digtally from a direct line out sounds like it does not have an “air” in it. All of these pieces use a MOTM analog modular synthesizer and are mixed with Pro-tools. Airwaves #3 also uses a Midiverb and a recording of breathing. Airwaves #2 was played at Woodstockhausen 2002. The program notes for this series are:

Airwaves is a series of tape music featuring the sounds of analog modular synthesis. It primarily uses a MOTM modular synthesizer. Because the sound of this synthesizer is so naturally big, pieces in this series try to give the listener some space by creating music with more air in it.

Three Movements for Tape

  1. (de)construction
  2. Scape
  3. Leftovers

These pieces are my oldest. They were composed in 1997 and 1998 while I was a student at Mills College as projects for classes taught by Maggi Payne in electronic music and recording techniques. All three use sounds of Mills’ Moog analog modular synthesizer. (de)construction also uses field recordings, mainly of machinery and other metal sounds recorded using pieze microphones and processed using the Moog and a Quadraverb. They were all recorded to tape and mixed with an analog mixing board. I used these three pieces in my senior concert. They got individual names when I posted them to Mp3.com.

Name-dropping ok? this is not yet spellchecked.

Christi told me that it would be good to include the first 8 minutes of Virtual Memory. I think that she doesn’t want to move to Los Angeles. What was I thinking when I recorded that? Bad day? Wanted to assult my listeners? I used to rename the file to new_britney_spears.mp3 and log on to Napster with it. Then I’d get on the napster top 40 chat rooms and tell folks that I had some brand new pre-release or something and try to get them to download it. The plan was that they would and then they wouldn’t bother deleting it, even though the ID3 tags revealed it to be me (and a url pointed at my web page). Then someone else would see that they had some new Britney song and download it. I deliberately misspelled her name. Anyway, this plan might have worked, except that it wasn’t an exerpt, it was a twenty minute long file and I think that Macster, the macintosh client, was messed up since nobody ever downloaded anything from em at all. and sometimes people would IM me wondering why they couldn’t get things from me. Anyway, this plan is an example of what used to be called “Guerilla Marketting.” Remeber that? Dot coms would assualt you with advertising crap, like spray painting their logos on the sidewalk and hiring people to march down the street protest-like holding signs with the name of your product on it. Something I worked on hired a flatbed truck to drive around rush hour with a billboard on the back. At the time, I worried that extra traffic in rush hour would just piss people off. Now I wonder why all the computer companies weren’t burned to the ground by angry mobs. Sheesh, the things that seemed normal then! Anyway, I think maybe I should go with Headerless Data #1 or #2 instead of this exhausting, static, assaulting thing. Actually, I secretly suspect that playing it loudly may damage your speakers. Perhaps any volume. I have no data to back this up one way or the other. Actually, the mp3 has got to be safe. The original audio file that I just listened to tho, that’s questionable. I guess if I do use this, I should convert it to mp3 and then back. That would get the hard edges out of it, like playing guitar through a speaker or playing a recording of a guitar through a speaker. Anyway, if you have hated enemies, let me know and I’ll send you a CD of possibly speaker-unsafe audio and you can play it loudly through their stereo when they’re not home. (You may want to leave while you do this and evacuate any pets.)

Portfolio for Calarts

Not yet in order

(Many of these are on Mp3.com if you want to give feedback on the order, or whatever)

  • Airwaves #3 Composed in 2002 using a MOTM analog modular synthesize, a Midiverb II, and breathing.
  • Breaking Waves Composed in 2001 using a MOTM analog synthesizer and AudioCatalyst software. This piece was created by recording white noise to disk and then converting the AIFF file to MP3 and back again multiple times, resulting in aliasing that becomes more noticable with each re-conversion. It was released by IBOL Records on Random Spheres of Influence in 2001.
  • Virtual Memory Exerpt Composed in 2001 using Macintosh Virtual Memory with an AIFF header added, a Jomox AirBase drum machine and a Midiverb. Note: Only the first few minutes of Virtual Memory #1 will be included in the exerpt.
  • Phase Composed in 2001 using a Future Retro 777 analog synthesizer. This piece was featured on the now-defunct Nonsequiter ezine.
  • Choral No. 1 Composed in 2000 using a MOTM analog modular synthesizer. This piece was played on German radio in 2001.
  • Drum Decay Composed in 2001 using Rebirth software and a custom Max application. This piece was composed using the type of feedback loop that Alvin Lucier used in I am Sitting in a Room. It has been featured in pirate and internet radio.
  • Chaos Patch Maybe? If you have feedback about whether you think this is a good piece or not when compared to the other things on the list, I’d like ot hear it. Composed in 2001 using a MOTM analog modular synthesizer. This piece was composed using analog chaos, so three oscilators were patched together in an FM loop. Is that clear? the output of one oscilator was going into the FM input of the next, whose output was going into the FM input of the next one, whose output was being recorded and going into the FM input of the first one. This creates mathematical type chaos. Very unpredictable. It was recorded and mixed in one night while awaiting returns from the state of Florida during the last presidential election.Should I include that note? The whole Florida thing is what made me thing of trying something with chaos in the first place. anyway, the technioque for recording this is unusual and demonstrates some knowledge of very obscure analog techniques that nobody tends ot use or care about and anyway… i should go listen to this one right now. should I use Bitter Day instead? the original title of “Bitter Day” was “Danica’s Lament”
  • (de)construction Composed in 1997 using a Moog analog modular synthesizer and field recordings. This was one of my first compositions, recorded while I was at Mills College. Most of the field recordings were recorded with a piezo microphone and processed using the Moog Fixed Filter Bank. This was my most popular piece on Mp3.com. Include that last note about popularity? People really like this one, but it’s very old. It worries me sometimes that I did my very best piece when I was just starting out. My theory is that it’s the Moog that makes people like it. Also, the sound of andra jumping on the bed came out really well in stereo. I should tell Andra that she was an anonymous mp3.com star.
  • No No Nonette (Printed Score) Composed in 2002-3 in responce to a Call for Scores issued by Jack Straw Productions in Seattle (see attached sheet), for a MIDI-controlled toy piano nonette. This score was selected and will be featured in Jack Straw’s New Media Gallery in February – April 2003.

Wow, this makes me look kind of successful… weird.

Really, the very last revison of the Personal Statement

When I was in high school, I had to decide between pursuing a career in computer programming or in professional tuba playing. Tuba playing is a low-paid profession, so, on the economic advice of my tuba teacher, I chose computer science. This was a logical choice for me. I started programming in BASIC when I was 8 years old and had been programming ever since. I grew up in the middle of Silicon Valley. My great grandfather, grandfather, uncle and father were all engineers. When I was a child, I spent Saturdays with my dad while he worked at his startup.

I went to Mills College to study Computer Science, and I very quickly found myself gravitating toward the Center for Contemporary Music. I had some limited exposure to New Music before I went to college, thanks to an excellent community radio station, but was not aware of it other than casually listening to noise bands. What I learned at Mills changed everything I thought about sound and music creation. I studied electronic music with Maggi Payne. She taught synthesis techniques on a large Moog Modular Synthesizer. The sound and the possibilities for music making were incredible. I thought the Moog was fantastic. I loved making music with it and the approach to sound creation that went with it. I decided to double-major in Computer Science and Electronic Music.

After I graduated, I got a job at a startup company that made products related to �Cooperative Commerce.� I did web programming and worked on their server. The product I was working on helped people buy things. A user could say that they wanted to buy a size 16 men�s blue shirt and our server software would give the user information about every size 16 men�s blue shirt that it could find on the web. All of the results were generated in real-time, using Artificial Intelligence. The company was a bit chaotic. Periodically, the management would come by and tell everyone that we were just about to have an IPO, or get more funding, or be bought by someone, in the mean time, we just had to give up a few more evenings and weekends. I did not write any music at all while I worked there, because the schedule took over all of my time.

When someone I knew from a previous interview called me and asked if I wanted to go work at Netscape and have more free time and make more money, I accepted. I started out writing scripts in Perl for the Open Directory Project, the largest human-edited directory on the web. I was also the release engineer and made the directory data publicly available every week. I also informally wrote the Product Requirements Document for ChefMoz, a restaurant database.

The job was interesting and I had enough time to make music and the means to obtain equipment. I purchased a MOTM Modular synthesizer and started recording tape music and posting it to Mp3.com. Another Mp3.com artist had a small record label and released two songs of mine on a compilation disk. My goal was to have two careers simultaneously. I would be an engineer and a composer. It might have worked except that I was commuting 50 miles each way to work and it was starting to burn me out. I realized that music had become a hobby rather than an avocation, so I started looking for another job, closer to home. At the same time, management decided to move my team over to online music.

My boss suspected that I was going to quit and asked me to stay on to write the Product Requirements Document for AOL�s online music service, a marketing job. I accepted and soon learned that I am not at all suited to marketing. My job was to write hundreds of pages of documents that nobody read and to go to meetings. At the same time, AOL had at least one other team on the East Coast working on the same project and Time Warner, whom AOL was purchasing, had several redundant teams. In 2001, I was laid off.

I instead of looking for a job right away, I decided to travel. I spent the summer in Europe. This was an important trip for me, because it allowed me to escape the culture of Silicon Valley and to look at a lot of art. I didn�t write any music while I was gone, but I visited several modern art museums, including the Venice Biennale. I also visited an online friend at ZKM, in Germany where she was writing a paper on mp3s. I was very impressed with the facilities there and the idea of music research.

When I came home, I had hundreds of musical ideas. The first was to switch career tracks to focus on composition. I wrote several pieces of tape music, and then I decided I wanted to write more music for live performance, so I organized a percussion group and wrote some music for them. The group performed some of my work at an art opening. I also did computer consulting. I wasn�t sure how to pull my work and aspirations together into a career.

At the same time, I started volunteering for Other Minds, a New Music nonprofit in San Francisco. I started as the driver for their festival. Shortly after that, they got possession of the KPFA music archives, featuring interviews with every important composer between 1969 and 1992. They are planning to use their library for a web radio project. I am helping them catalog their tape archive and pick out interesting tapes to submit for grant applications. I also worked for them as a volunteer sound engineer and produced or helped produce several CDs used for grant applications and I gave them technical advice regarding the web radio server hardware and software.

Last spring I attended the Composing a Career Conference sponsored by the Women’s Philharmonic. Almost everyone else there had a master’s degree and the presenters all assumed they were speaking to a master’s-level audience. Realizing that I needed more education, I started looking into graduate programs. I also started submitting tapes to festivals and calls for scores. One of my tapes was accepted at Woodstockhausen.

Unfortunately, shortly after the conference, while I was on my way to visit Jack Straw Productions in Seattle, my mother was diagnosed with a brain tumor. She had surgery and started radiation treatment. All of my music work and consulting jobs were put on hold so I could spend time helping to take care of my mom. The treatment was not helpful and she died in the middle of October.

I spent several weeks after her death re-thinking my life plans. A few weeks ago, I decided that I wanted to continue with my chosen track. I submitted a score to Jack Straw Productions for inclusion in a Trimpin instillation and they accepted it. I also started pulling together applications to the graduate schools that I picked out in the spring. Your program caught my interest because of your faculty [� talk about faculty.]

At [school] I hope to learn more about electronic music and also about composition for live performance. I would like to branch out into writing for live electronic performance, something that�s difficult to do with a modular synthesizer. I hope to learn more mediums for composition. I would also like to explore more writing for traditional instruments. [school] has a reputation for performance as well as composition and I hope to be able to work with some of the performers studying there.

After I graduate with a Masters degree, I hope to find success as a freelance composer. I am also interested in doing music research at a center like STEIM, IRCAM or ZKM, or a comparable center in the United States. I know that [school] could give me the skills and education necessary to achieve this goal. Your excellent reputation would also help my professional aspirations. I hope you consider me for your program.

Much more honest, but also darn darn long. I don’t have much time to change it anymore. If CalArts only wants half a paragraph, too bad. Suggestions, especially for cuts, welcome.

Late night madness = late morning arising

I should go to bed earlier or else i will look silly in my blog
Just got news that Jack Straw in Seattle will be using my score in their Toy Piano Nonette jukebox. Christi’s too. The director of JS sent me email telling me to apply to University of Washington. I guess I can visit the school when I go visit the Trimpin instillation that I’m part of. The application deadline for UofW is April 1st, so I can worry about this later.
People like my music. That’s so weird.