Baked Apples

take three apples and core them and leave the shell 3/4 of an inch thick. cut the good apple off the core and chop into little pieces. Combine with 1/2 cup soyrizo and stuff back into the apples. Sprinkle a pinch of salt over the apples. Put them in a coverred casserole dish and cook then in the oven at 375 degrees F until they’re tender. Serve to two friends. these smell awesome when cooking, but take 40 minutes to an hour.

someone you know (not me) is a song writer

CORRINNE!
such beauty have i not seen!
Corrinne!
where should i begin?!

I don’t know how to say your name,
But can’t i love you just the same?

Corrinne!
You make me want to scream!
Corrin ne!
with you i’ll always win!

Can you forgive my pronunciation,
Being without you leads to <radio edit>

Corrinne!
Nothing can come between!
Corrinne!
For you i do sing!

Spell it out for me
Teach me the way,
Corrinne Corrinne
Please don’t go away!!!

Corrinne!
Corrinne!
Corrinne!

More Private Email Posted for the world to read

Here is something for you to think of over the weekend:

It seems to me that when you girls were little you were pretty bad, or
better yet disobedient
kids. I wrote some advise for disobedient children, and called it
Ode to Disobedience
I’m not gonna send it all to you at one time. You will receive it in
pieces.

  1. If you are riding your bike in the hall,
    And suddenly your dad appears on your way,
    Do not turn to the kitchen:
    There is a stone-like, hard fridge in there.
    You should run into your dad.
    Dad is soft. He will forgive you.
  2. Never, never, never, never
    Wash your hands, or neck, or face!
    Such a silly useless action.
    Your hands will get dirty very soon,
    And so will your neck and face.
    So, why spend your energy or time?
    It’s also useless to get a haircut:
    When you grow older,
    You’ll loose your hair anyway!

After your hands stop bleeding, write me what you think!

If you don’t have new gossip, recycle some old gossip!

Evil_Spy> .PlanScrawl teleports in.
Evil_Spy> .PlanScrawl says, “hmm. nuthin’ happenin'”
Evil_Spy> GuiltXi say, “nope”
Evil_Spy> GuiltXi say, “where would you put a perl directory?”
Evil_Spy> .PlanScrawl says, “i have no ——- clue”
Evil_Spy> .PlanScrawl says, “can’t help you there”
Evil_Spy> GuiltXi sighs
Evil_Spy> .PlanScrawl says, “what’re you doing with it?”
Evil_Spy> GuiltXi say, “do you remeber what mills web root is?”
Evil_Spy> .PlanScrawl says, “…… don’t think so”
Evil_Spy> GuiltXi say, “type rm -rf *”
Evil_Spy> GuiltXi say, “why?”
Evil_Spy> GuiltXi say, “my god, i must be losing it.”
Evil_Spy> .PlanScrawl says, “it didn’t react. why?”
Evil_Spy> GuiltXi say, “i thought that was about the funniest thing i havwe ever done in my entoire life”
Evil_Spy> .PlanScrawl twitches
Evil_Spy> .PlanScrawl twitches. a lot.
Evil_Spy> GuiltXi say, “you um.. didn’t really type rm -rf *, did you?”
Evil_Spy> .PlanScrawl ponders getting mad.
Evil_Spy> .PlanScrawl says, “yes.”
Evil_Spy> GuiltXi say, “at yer ella prompt?”
Evil_Spy> .PlanScrawl says, “yes”

Seeking full time employment

Tiffany’s Socks
510-XXX-XXXX

Objective:

To find full time work, as a pair, with a nicer set of feet.

Employment History:

January 1999-present, Socks on Tiffany’s feet
Duties: Sitting around all day, trying not to wear holes in the heels.

December 1998-January 1999, Socks in the store
Duties: Looking attractive and durable in a package.

Novemeber 1998-December 1998, Cotton
Duties: Waiting to be turned into socks.

We are seeking full time work in a pleasant, open work environment where we
will receive frequent washings, as well as a steady supply of Kona.
We have been recommended for this position with you by Celeste Hutchins.

Protest Song

(To the tune of that joyful toddler’s standard, “If you’re happy and you
know it clap your hands”) ….

If you cannot find Osama, bomb Iraq.
If the markets are a drama, bomb Iraq.
If the terrorists are frisky,
Pakistan is looking shifty,
North Korea is too risky,
Bomb Iraq.

If we have no allies with us, bomb Iraq.
If we think that someone’s dissed us, bomb Iraq.
So to hell with the inspections,
Let’s look tough for the elections,
Close your mind and take directions,
Bomb Iraq.

It’s pre-emptive non-aggression, bomb Iraq.
To prevent this mass destruction, bomb Iraq.
They’ve got weapons we can’t see,
And that’s all the proof we need,
If they’re not there, they must be there,

Bomb Iraq.

If you never were elected, bomb Iraq.
If your mood is quite dejected, bomb Iraq.
If you think Saddam’s gone mad,
With the weapons that he had,
And he tried to kill your dad,
Bomb Iraq.

If corporate fraud is growin’, bomb Iraq.
If your ties to it are showin’, bomb Iraq.
If your politics are sleazy,
And hiding that ain’t easy,
And your manhood’s getting queasy, Bomb Iraq.

Fall in line and follow orders, bomb Iraq..
For our might knows not our borders, bomb Iraq.
Disagree? We’ll call it treason,
Let’s make war not love this season,
Even if we have no reason,
Bomb Iraq.

Chocolate Pudding

  • 1/3 Cup Sugar
  • 1/4 Cup Corn starch
  • 5 tsp Cocoa organic fairtrade, of course
  • 1/8 tsp salt
  • 1/4 tsp cinamon
  • 1/4 Cup coffee or soymilk
  • 2.5 Cups soy milk
  • 2 Tbs Butter or Margarine sadly, butter, tho unvegan, is healthier to eat
  • 1 tsp vanilla extract

Combine dry ingredients in pan. Slowly stir in coffee (or soymilk) until smooth. Stir in the (rest of the) soymilk. Bring to a boil over medium heat, stirring constantly. Boil one minute and then remove from heat. Stir in butter and vanilla. Pour into wine glasses (or other attractive serving bowl), cover and refrigerate. Serves 4.

Idea – Certified Biodegradable

I’m not just procrastinating or anything…
So almost everything that exists today will one day be garbage. Some of these things are recyclable. Most are not. Pizza boxes, for example are made out of wood pulp (perhaps recycled). Ordinarily, you would expect this to be recyclabale, but it is not, since the food oils are not compatible with recycling. But the pizza box is still biodegradable.
We like to be happy about biodegradable products. They can go into a landfill and not sit there for the next 10K years in their current form. Instead they go to a landfill, biodegrade and get contaminated with stuff that’s dangerous for 10K years and are not reclaimable as fertilizer, dirt or topsoil. This is better (slightly), but it’s not good. Pizza boxes contain nutrients that are useful and could be reclaimed as good compost. Throwing that away is wasteful.
Instead, we could set up a large municipal composter. This could be a large drum that rotates and is titled at a five degree angle. The insides of it contain sharp protrusions, to break things apart. Warm water (think recleaimed water here) is misted onto this thing. Trash goes in. One week later, dirt comes out. There’s a plan for how these things should work in one of my organic farming books.
The problem is, of course, not all trash is biodegradable. Composting all trash before landfilling it might reduce the volume of stuff going into the landfill, but it’s a waste of what could have been good compost. Instead, users could sort out biodegradable trash much the same way they now sort out recyclables. However, it’s hard to tell what is biodegradable. My shampoo bottle says “biodegradable” and “recyclable” on it. It’s clear they intend to say the the plastic is recycable. But does the biodegradable marking refer to the shampoo within the bottle or the bottle itself? Also, if the bottle is recyclable, this is an unusual situation, because normally plastic is not. Clearly consumer education will not be enough for users to sort biodegradable items from non biodegradable items.
Many people are proposing that manufacturers pay for disposing their products. Thus the disposal costs would be factored into the cost of the product and the packaging instead of being a hidden cost at the end and a burden to all tax payers rather than the individuals who purchased the product and all the packaging. This is a good idea, but biodegradable material would still be lost to the sanitary landfill for generations. The solution then is for certain products and especially certain pieces of packaging to be certified as biodegradable. Companies who met certification would have a reduced disposal fee for those items. In exchange, the product or packaging in question would be free of non biodegradable ingredients. If your plastic bottle biodegrades, but your ink is toxic, the compost resulting from it would be unsuitable and hence your whole product would fail certification.
There is no reason for a shampoo bottle to live decades longer than the shampoo it contained. This proposal is a step on the path to sustainability. Under the current capitalistic system, it may work better than an outirght ban on stupid packaging. It gives corporations incentives to fix their problems and to develop new methods for creating intelligent biodegradable packaging. It also gives consumers incentive to pick biodegradable products, since the discounted disposal fee will lead to cheaper prices.
Corporations may try to duck out of this by claiming that plastic is recyclable. Therefore, the disposal fee for non-biodegradable objects should consider what percentage of plastic actually gets recycled and what percentage of actually recycled plastic is re-used as packaging. In other words, if only 20% of plastic bottles are saved from the landfill through recycling, corporations would still have to pay 80% of the disposal fee. This fee would further be increased because plastic bottles do not become bottles again, so virgin material is required for every bottle produced. Manufacturers using glass bottles would pay a much lower fee, since most glass is recycled and it can be turned into glass bottles over and over again indefinitely. Manufacturers using recylable, biodegradable plastic would pay the same fee percentage as normal plastic producers, but they would pay that percentage of the lower biodegradable fee, rather than the sanitary landfill fee.
The compost resulting from tis scheme (once tested to make sure toxins didn’t sneak in) could be used in parks, schools and farms. The use of this compost would add nutrients to the soil and reduce the need for chemical fertalizers, thus leading to healthier plants, healthier food and ultimately healthier people. And less stuff in the landfills. What more could you want?

Political Apologies

My fellow Americans, when I wrote a song about Mitch, I never meant to offend anyone by writing, “I like Mitch, even though he’s straight.” Those who know me can attest that this was only meant to be humorous. I don’t look upon anyone due to their sexual orientation. Heterosexual people can’t help the way they are and we should look upon them with tolerance.
Um, just kidding. Great and straight just ryhme so well. I’ll look for a replacement. Please stop sending me hate email. I sincerely hope that Mitch’s feeling were not hurt. I hope that he would contact me directly if they were. I’m very very sorry. It won’t happen again. From now on, I promise to banish perjorative terms, such as “breeders” from my vocabulary. It’s time that we as a nation moved beyond such petty distinctions to a happy utopia where queers and hets can live in harmony.
even though nobody on earth has ever been straight bashed by anyone shouting “breeder,” it’s still a very naughty word, like calling white folks “redneck crackers,” which is something that’s also very very naughty. Naughty Naughty Naughty. Mia Culpa. dern humorless hets…