There’s never a convenient time to get a sex change. I mean, really. There’s always other things going on in your life that are going to get disrupted. 90% of you reading this think I’m talking about surgery (and are quietly crossing your legs, I’m sure), but it’s like a million fucking things. (Such is the poor scheduling of post teenage puberty.) One of the most annoying is the name thing.
I have a tiny smattering of people who may search for me under my given name on the internets. I’m not a famous composer (yet), but I’m out there a bit. I would like people who have got something from the first 10 years of my production to be able to find me.
If I were more radical, I would leave my name unchanged Right now, though, that’s not working for me. So I started going by the middle three letters of my name. And then I started doing music with the appellation, but I think this is a mistake. People from earlier won’t find me. It makes the “C Hutchins” on my podcast kind of inexplicable. It’s not the thing to do.
So if trying to leave my name unchanged will make me unhappy and ‘Les’ isn’t the answer, what to do? An ideal name would: Start with C. Somehow be related to what my parents might have named me (I would have my brother’s name, so I think about what they would have named him) or have a connection to my family. Contain a “Les” in it someplace, so I could keep using it as a nickname.
My uncle and great grandfather were named Charles. Ok, perfect.
So, for people searching for me on google, I can go by “Charles Celeste Hutchins.” So I’m going to publish music under that name from now on and I’ve stuck it on my email. It will go on future business cards, etc.
And you can keep calling me whatever you call me.
Tag: celesteh
I’m in the newspaper
I wrote a letter to Jon Carrol of the Chronicle and he ran it. The topic is bike routes and traffic in the East Bay. I tried to make it really short, but I worry that I sounded like an asshole.
I run stop signs all the time on the Berkeley Bike Boulevards. These are bike routes that run parallel to main streets in Berkeley. The roads are very residential and have stop signs on them quite frequently. There is not much cross traffic at these signs , nor much car traffic on the streets. In some places, they are blocked so that bikes can get through but cars can’t. The system is imperfect because the frequent stop signs technically apply to bikes, but the routes would be unusable to anyone who actually obeyed them.
What I didn’t say is that I don’t cut people off or aggravate car drivers or risk my own safety. I slow down for stop signs, which, honestly, is all the many car drivers do as well. Also what I didn’t say is that the problem could be mitigated by better signage. They need to put in one set of “yield” signs for bikes only and leave the stop signs for cars. Most issues with bike routes in suburban cities like this could be alleviated with better signage, but the ideas for how to post them are foreign and would not occur to somebody who hadn’t biked overseas.
Also what’s not obvious is that taking out stop signs would greatly increase safety. People are more cautious in uncontrolled intersections and this increases safety. Accidents aren’t avoided by just carefully following the law. Accidents are avoided by people seeing each other and being careful. So either better signs or no signs would help a lot. And roundabouts. How to design to increase safety isn’t some deep dark secret. The information is easily accessible and sometimes discussed in the newspaper and whatnot, so the city planners are aware that they’ve created a situation that’s dangerous to bikers and annoying to car drivers, but they make no major changes, even when the cost would be low. Why?
Well, I’ve dealt with the city of Berkeley planning commission and I suspect that they want to share the pain of their bitter twisted lives with others and also are frequently drunk at work plus they are resistant to any kind of change at all, even when it’s entirely sensible.
Carroll cut the part of my letter where I talked about the end of the California/ King bike boulevard. The bike route just dead ends at a major street with a median strip. The Oakland bike route picks up on the other side. There is no legal way to get across the major street without getting off your bike and walking it across a zebra crossing. Cops don’t give you tickets for biking across it, but they could. Also, it’s dangerous and scary. I hate that intersection so much and yet it still seems safer than biking along a more major street.
My hope and expectation is that since we’ve passed peak oil, there will be more and more and more bikers and numbers will increase safety.
Isn’t it amazing that I can live on another continent and still be opinionated about biking in the East Bay. Don’t worry, I have suggestions for London as well, starting with replacing the congestion charge with an outright ban on private cars for non-disabled people.
Wrong Pronouns
In the last week, I’ve twice experienced old friends using the wrong pronouns in front of a third party. In the first case, I was buying lunch at a counter and my friend said, “she” to the cashier, to refer to me. The cashier stared intently at me for several moments, but was otherwise polite and didn’t say anything. It was a bit uncomfortable. Afterwards, my friend apologized profusely.
In the second instance, I was talking with a neighbor that I’ve spoken with a few times before. My friend (a different one) said, “she. I mean he. Sorry.” The neighbor stared at me a few moments, but the conversation carried on. A few minutes later, he said something about “we boys” including me. Later, my friend apologized.
Ok, wrong pronouns happen. I’ve done it to other people. People will do it to me. It’s not the end of the world. I appreciate your effort. I know it’s a challenge.
How to deal
When you use the wrong pronoun, correct yourself. You had a moment of space out, so treat it like that. We all misspeak from time to time.
Obviously, I’m not stealth, but I don’t want to be out loud and proud every moment of every day. Imagine starting every conversation with every person with “Hi, I’m queer.” Like, “Hi, I’m a queer. Can I pay for my meal.” “Hi, I’m a queer. I’d like a half pint of Guinness.” It would be a bit much. And as weird as straight people are about LGB people, it’s a bit more intense with trans folks.
My Bank
Ok, I signed up with my bank, despite witnessing what looked a lot like open racism towards Chinese foreign students. I was disturbed, but it didn’t effect me, right? Because a culture of discrimination could never bite my ass. (Attention white people: it will bite your ass.)
I went in over a week ago to change my address. The form I filled out said that I would receive a letter in the mail confirming this. The guy at the desk said it would take 24 hours to go through. He asked for my passport to photocopy. When he got the copy out of the machine, he studied it and frowned, but was polite to me. Until I turned to leave. I could feel him staring after me. As I got out on the street, I could see him, through the window, looking at me like I climbed out of the Black Lagoon.
Obviously, he must have noticed the gender marker on my passport. If I were a stronger person, I would have gone back in and asked if there was a problem, as he seemed to be looking at me as if he wanted to say something. Instead, I felt shitty about myself, lost my passport for a few days, panicked, found it again and wondered why my letter for address change never came.
I went in today to get my automatic rent payments straightened out and discovered that my address was changed. To Berkeley. All of my statements are going to California, which is not really helpful and also not at all what I asked for.
There is some possibility that the bloke that originally took my paperwork thought he was preventing fraud. Somebody came into my bank in California, impersonating me, complete with fake ID, and tried to cash a bogus check. The teller got suspicious and the lady buggered off. The bank got highly concerned, froze the account, and called me to tell me about it. And that’s what you do if you think there’s fraud.
In this case, the guy pretended to be polite, didn’t ask for any other documents or security questions and must have noted that the picture on my passport is obviously me. It has the weird reflective thingees embedded in it, so it’s also clearly the photo that came with the passport. In short, he knew that it wasn’t fraud and he didn’t act like it was fraud. He might have told himself that he suspected fraud when he threw all my documents in the bin, but I highly doubt that he was following the set procedure of the bank. Why would he ignore procedure? Because he knew it didn’t apply.
So if bank workers feel empowered to stare at me like a monster and fuck up my bank account metadata on the basis of me being a trannie, you can see why I want you to use the right pronouns. It’s my lot in life to have to deal with a certain amount of bullshit, but I’d rather not. And speaking of outing people, why the fuck is there a gender marker on my passport in the first place? It’s got my name age and picture. Isn’t that enough? Having a legally defined sex is bullshit and it’s only practical use is to discriminate against queers. You can’t marry that person. You’re going to be fucked with every time you go to the airport. It’s bullshit.
Oy, I’m knackered
Tired and going native in my speech habits, but not, so far, my drinking habits. A normal night on the town here can quite often involve vomit from over-indulgence. This just doesn’t sound fun to me. So my tiredness is from appropriately puritanical sources. I’ve been working at something called a “test setup.”
We took a hundred or so speakers and arranged them as if we were giving a concert, but there was no concert. Instead, we were testing things. We’ve got a cool Berlin guy to build us a box with 64 motorized, touch-sensitive faders. He flew in with the prototype and there was discussion of firmware. The plan is purchase three of these.
Then we tested Ambisonics which is a method of positioning sounds in space with an oddly cult-like following of users. People who like it really really like it. It sounded weird on our system. One outside observer informed us that we were sending in the wrong sort of sounds for it to work. The easy comment is that a panning system that only works with a few types of sounds is not the most useful, but that comment is unfair. A speaker array like ours turns into a sort of architecture and not all sounds work in all spaces. Gospel music is great, but sounds bad in cathedrals. It needs a room with a short decay time. Similarly, plain chant in an acoustically dead church is going to fall very flat.
Obviously, people compose for the kinds of spaces and instruments that they have. Modern concert halls are very dry and sound really good with the sort of stochastic-like short pulses of 20th century music. So it shouldn’t be surprising that our rig is going to have a body of work that sounds good with it and not as good with different controlling software.
We normally use something that’s pronounced as “V-bap”, but I don’t know what the acronym stands for. It’s equal power pan spread across three speakers to localize a sound in space and it seems to require quite a lot less math. Basically: you know that you can make a sound seem to move back and forth by twisting the balance knob on your stereo. Well, add a third speaker above and a second knob and you can make it go up and down too.
For my part, I carried things around and otherwise did grunt work, which can be a good way to learn about a system without having to ask too many questions or go to a lecture. I tried to play my phone phreaking piece, but I couldn’t get it to work on the computer attached to all the speakers, alas.
One of my favorite students in the program flew in from Spain to work on the test setup, so it was good to talk to him. Apparently he used to have an internet addiction and now he talks about strategies to stop using the net aside from getting email and how much better his life is net-free. I remain unconvinced. Besides, I can quit any time.
Still the internet has kind of begun to bore me. The social network sites are dull and give me little for my time. The news is still valuable. But blogs . . . so many of them are narcissistic and dull. Maybe I should stop.
Moby Dick Monday: Chapter 3
(Late Tuesday Edition)
The Spouter Inn
Most chapters of this book are quite short and seem kind of unworthy of the being rightfully called a chapter. Not 3. It goes on and on, in the manner of a proper chapter and even takes place across multiple scenes. We start inside the hotel with a discussion about a painting hanging in the entry. In the first sentence, the entrance’s wood work “remind[s] one of the bulwarks of some condemned old craft.” Just to keep up the cheerful mood.
The discussion of the painting is funny and drags on at great length. Due to poor lighting and smoke stains, it’s difficult to make out and so Melville discusses several theories as to what it might depict. Finally deciding that, it “represents a Cape-Horner in a great hurricane; the half-floundered ship weltering there with its three dismantled masts alone visible; and an exasperated whale, purposing to spring clean over the craft, is in the enormous act of impaling himself upon the three mast-heads.” A painting worthy of a Monty Python animation. Dark and full of doom but completely ludicrous.
The rest of the decoration at the inn is briefly discussed, all of it exceedingly non-cozy, most of it whale-killing weaponry. Then he describes how the main room resembled the inside of a troubled ship. And then, with an astonishing lack of subtlety, the barkeep is named Jonah – this also being the name of an Old Testament figure who was swallowed by a whale.
Having established this as the most alarming hotel ever, prior to the establishment of the Bates, a dramatic situation is introduced: there are no free beds. He will have to share with a harpooner. Although the introduction and the painting stuff is typically wordy, half of the reason for the exceptional length for this chapter is describing how much he doesn’t want to sleep with the harpooner. Ishmael won’t leap into bed with just anybody. Also, lest you think he’s too easy, he tells us, “I made up my mind that if it so turned out that we should sleep together, he must undress and get into bed before I did.” Yes, indeed, very butch, I’m sure.
The harpooner is much speculated upon before he appears. And Ishmael comes up with some schemes to avoid sleeping with him. He planes down a bench in the frigid dining room, to sleep on it, but this turns out to be a bad idea. So he pushes the landlord for information and gets only surreal replies. “I don’t see what on airth keeps him so late, unless, may be he can’t sell his head.” I wonder to myself, what would I make of such news. Would I become frustrated and angry like Ishmael and decide the harpooner must be insane? Or would I, more likely, decide the landlord was nuts? Or would I make silly jokes about the subtext of the harpooner selling of himself? tee-hee. … Something about this exchange makes me think of Holland, for no good reason I can place. The only time I’ve had a hotel owner who seemed so insane was in Belgium and if I ever run into one like that again, I’m just going to leave.
So this mysterious harpooner is actually selling shrunken heads on the street. This news doesn’t fully mollify Ishmael. The landlord notes that it’s a very nice bed and that he and his wife slept in it on their wedding night. There’s a lot of fluff in this novel and not every phrase is necessarily going someplace. But we’ve talked about this harpooner so much as this point, he’s got to turn out to be important. And this news about the landlord having used the bed with his wife is probably intended to convey some sort of foreshadowing. Given that they used the bed on their wedding night, I think it’s fair to assume a sexual innuendo. Or maybe it’s just supposed to symbolize the beginning of a relationship.
Ishmael gets let into the room before the harpooner comes in and promptly begins snooping in all of the other guy’s stuff, going so far as to try on some of his clothes. Then he goes to bed alone, with some thought that the other guy might not be back that night. But he does. Ishmael silently watches the other guy undress and whatnot, in a scene lasting several pages. Most of these pages are talking about how weird the other guy looks and how frightened Ishamel is. The harpooner is a cannibal and this very alarming. Finally the guy gets into bed and is surprised and alarmed to find somebody else already in it and scuffle ensues. The landlord arrives and explains the situation. Both parties are happy and Ishamel sleeps well.
All of the above drags on and on across several pages. It’s amusing and sets a mood. Of waiting and expectation and finally of revealing. Ishamel is fascinated watching the other guy get ready for bed, as he lies in bed waiting. This fearfully witnessed uncovering all takes place in what’s been established as a bridal bed. Although Ishamel is constantly horrified by the strange appearance of the alien other, there’s some undertone constantly, of the very intimate nature of their situation. In another era, if one of them were a woman, this would be a scene from a love story. This implicitly has that kind of vibe.
“Cannibal” in this context, means a non-Christian from any tropical region, as far as I can tell. The guy is selling shrunken heads and he’s got tattoos and is of another race and religion, so therefore, he’s a cannibal. I don’t know if that means he must also eat people or not. Anyway, Ishamel is ready to accept him, “he was on the whole a clean, comely looking cannibal.” ‘Comely’ tends to mean attractive as in ‘hott,’ so again with the homoeroticness.
Recall further the ashes of Gemorrah, kicked aloft in the previous chapter. I think perhaps it was love that was in the air.
Moby Dick Monday: Chapter 2
Alas, I am in a state of shocking internetlessness, so I’m citing no sources here. Also, god knows when and how I’ll manage to get this online. Maybe I’ll wander the streets looking for an open wifi network.
The Carpet-Bag
Ishmael wants to go to Nantucket, but missed his boat and so needs to hang around in New Bedford for a couple of days and thus needs a hotel. So he looks for the cheapest one he can find. On the way, he blunders into a storefront black church which he somehow thought was an inn. Also, it’s very icy and cold.
And then, confusingly, he goes on at great lengths about Lazarus.
The amusing bits in this chapter are mostly where he rejects hotels for being too cheery. Happy voices? Bright lights? Clinking glasses? Can’t afford it! He’s seeking out ramshackle and depressing. This is not a guy to go touristing with, although I admire his strategy. Incidentally, this is why I tend to camp when I travel. The nicest campground is cheaper than the worst hotel and generally has better showers. But poor Ishmael is stuck in an icy winter with holes in his boots, so he needs a cheap room. He heads towards the docks: to the area folks in the East Bay would call the flatlands.
“Such dreary streets! blocks of blackness . . . on either hand . . ..” Unlit streets in the dark and cold and ice. Perfect! He comes to an open door and to some racism. On his way in, he trips over an “ashbox.” Is this like an ashtray? It holds ashes, whatever it is. “Ha! thought I, ha, as the flying particles almost choked me, are these ashes from that destroyed city Gomorrah?” The book is as thick with Biblical allusions as Ishmael’s air was with ashes.
Gomorrah was an Old Testament city destroyed by fire and brimstone. Lot lived there and was a good guy. Some angels described as travelers came to see him. The townsfolk were a xenophobic bunch and demanded that Lot bring out the strangers so they could know them. Lot offered his two virgin daughters instead, hoping his neighbors would be content to rape his kids. The mob refused this and got ugly. God and/or the angels intervened (no internet means no Bible, sorry) and God decided to rain down fire and brimstone on the city and destroy it after evacuating Lot.
Ishmael continues inside and . . .
It seemed the great Black Parliament sitting in Tophet. A hundred black faces turned round in their rows to peer; and beyond, a black Angel of Doom was beating a book in a pulpit. It was a negro church; and the preacher’s text was about the blackness of darkness, and the weeping and wailing and teeth-gnashing there.
I’m afraid the allusion of the first sentence escapes me, except that Tophet means hell (which is ruled by black people??). The rest of it is not in alignment with modern progressive sensibilities. The preacher is an Angel of Doom, first of all. This ties in again with the Gomorrah allusion, and hardly inspires confidence in the preacher. Divine but deadly. Presumably, the “blackness of darkness” in the text refers to the pits of hell. However, the hues chosen to represent it also unfortunately reference the skin color of the worshippers. Hell, doom and Gomorrah are thus all tied to race. Being black = bad, indeed, the worst. Can you get get lower than hell? To be black is to be damned.
Ok, so backing up to Gomorrah, you may have noted that the sequence of events in the story makes no sense whatsoever, aside from establishing Lot as one of the worst parents of all time. I’ve heard two interpretations of the meaning of that story. The most reasonable one is about hospitality. Travel was dangerous in the ancient world and there were no such things as inns. So if somebody strange came to town, rather than treating them as a thief and marauder (which they might actually be) you were supposed to give them a place to sleep without overly interrogating them. God was pissed off because the citizens of Gomorrah wanted to know something about these guys before letting them. Take note: God is against border patrols interrogating travelers.
The other, less reasonable, but, alas more common interpretation of that story is that when the townspeople want to “know” the Angels, it’s in the biblical sense. Then men of the town want to gang rape the Angels, but Lot, dad of the year, offers his daughters instead and God saves him for it. Take note: God is an illogical fucker in this version. The illogical, fucker God has long been the most popular, so this version of things was the most common for quite a while. Note that Gomorrah is rarely mentioned alone, but usually also with its neighboring town of Sodom. And from this story we get the word “sodomy.”
So when Ishmael stumbles over the ashbox, his “ha ha” exclamation could be about sexual assault or it could be about danger to travelers. Given that he is a traveller, this seems more likely than “ha ha I might get raped.” However, alas, sexual otherness and racial otherness have long been popularly tied together in America. In movies, a jazz theme in the soundtrack = easy woman, for example. This expands in concentric circles of sexual impropriety as all alien others stand in for each other. Insufficient whiteness, insufficient masculinity, insufficient heterosexuality are all equivalent, so black = womanly = promiscuous = queer = gay.
So when Melville invokes Gemorrah, he’s foreshadowing on several levels. It’s a Biblical reference, so it foreshadows a church scene in general. It’s queer, so it foreshadows blackness. It’s about death and destruction, so it ties in with the hellfire sermon in the next paragraph. It’s about threats to travelers, so it creates an air of danger for Ishmael. And it’s about doom in general, so it fits with the dreary, mood of the chapter. Bad omens are coming on rather quickly.
Adding to these is the hotel he actually finds: The Spouter Inn, owned by Peter Coffin. “Coffin? – Spouter? – Rather ominous” he thinks, in case you missed it. “It is a common name in Nantucket,” he reasons, and Peter must have come from there. Thus the doom is tied not only to his present but also to his next destination.
And what of the inn? “As the light looked so dim . . . and the dilapidated little wooden house itself looked as if it might have been carted here from the ruins of some burnt district, and as the swinging sign had a poverty-stricken sort of creak to it, I thought that here was the very spot for cheap lodgings . . .” The local tourist office refuses to even list it? Perfect! But, he surmises it’s the place for “the best of pea coffee.” Is this good or bad? I don’t know. The building is “queer” and “leaning over sadly.” It’s also beaten by wind, which Melville calls “Euroclydon,” clearly a reference to something, but I’m without internet. He quotes a third party about this wind, who talks of frost windows and death, in yet another bright omen.
Melville then goes on to equate houses with bodies, “Yes, these eyes are windows and this body of mine is the house.” And thus the sorry shape of the Spouter Inn bodes ill for Ishmael, as he ties it to himself and his death. As if this wasn’t enough, he goes on to talk about Lazarus, another Biblical story.
Lazarus was Jesus’ friend, who died. Jesus was unhappy to hear of this and so revived him several days later. Lazarus came out of his tomb, wrapped up in corpse-dressings. He’s an odd character in subsequent literature. Some folks imagine that having already died once, he can’t die again and he becomes some sort of curious immortal figure, doomed to wander the earth forever. And some folks go on about his experience of having been dead, as Meliville does here, imagining how cold he must have been.
So after a lot of ice and frozen and cold and dead going on for a few paragraphs, we rather get the point and then some. He’s starting to be ridiculous. It harkens back to the very first page of the book, in the first paragraph, “whenever I find myself involuntarily pausing before coffin warehouses . . . I account it high time to get to sea . . ..” For the love if god, get on a boat, man! Stop your pausing in front of coffin stores or coffin inns! And so, with some self awareness, the last paragraph of chapter two begins, “But no more of this blubbering now, we are going a whaling, and there is plenty of that yet to come.” I love this sentence.
“Blubber – [noun] the fat of sea mammals, esp. whales” and “Blubber [2] – [verb] (informal) sob noisily” (both from the Oxford American Dictionary). Yay puns. The “plenty yet to come” has play on the word “blubber.” A smart, ‘stop your whining and get on a boat and get to work.’ But also a foreshadowing of doom ahead.
Tonight!
Hey folks, I’m playing in San Francisco tonight in the Edgetone Summit. Show starts at 8PM at the SF Community Music Center on 544 Capp Street. X-street is 20th. I’ve been informed this is directly in between 16th St BART and 24th St BART, only one block of of Mission. Also, very conveniently located if you want to purchase illicit drugs or sex on the way. Save a Hamilton for the $10 admission, though.
Polly Moller and I will be doing a work for lie detector. So think up some yes or no questions to put to Polly. Has she ever cheated on her taxes? Does she still beat her dog? If terrorists were going to blow up the Golden Gate Bridge unless she fellated Dick Cheney, would she do it?
I’ll be moderating, so if something is in bad taste, I will smack you down!
There are some other exciting people on the bill also. The summit goes on all week.
The WSJ on Social Structures in the Loo
The Wall Street Journal waxes poetic about the ladies’ loo. It starts with, “It’s a good thing office lavatories aren’t coed.” This is more or less the crux of the article. Why is it a good thing? Well, the author never actually says, she just hints. The reason, of course, is that it’s a holy temple of feminity. A safe space, for gender normative women. For others?
Not every woman, of course, wants to join an office ladies’ room club. Some undoubtedly think there’s more to be gained snagging lunch dates with staff several rungs above them than exchanging advice with women colleagues. Others simply don’t feel comfortable sharing confidences in front of toilet stalls. They wash their hands in silence and, while they’re present, conversations around them halt.
And this has nothing whatsoever to do with gender presentation. The reason that women have always fallen into icy silence when I tried to pee near them wasn’t because I was too butch. It was because I was a stuck-up bitch who scorned their advice. Who knew?
Oh, but what about the mens? Well, this is the WSJ, so we can’t focus on women’s issues, even when they’re as normative as possible. “Still some of my male colleagues, who describe their exchanges in men’s rooms as monosyllabic at best, tell me they want to join the ladies’ room club. To which I say, come on in — but listen.”
To which I say, give me a fucking break.
Ok, it’s nice that women can get a break from men and have some of their own space. It’s valuable for minority communities to have such spaces. But these informal clubs cement power in conforming members and exclude non-conforming. Also, access to toilets is a biological necessity, not a luxury. Bearded ladies need access as much as those who might want to deal with “ripped panty hose.”
Fuck the ladies room club. Move it someplace else.
Moby Dick Monday!
It’s the, um, late edition! My plan is to look at a chapter a week. Maybe two in some weeks as there are 135 chapters. None of them are especially long. This book is in the public domain, by the way and can be read at google or downloaded from many websites or purchased from a bookstore, etc.
Chapter 1 – Loomings
“Call me Ishmael.” It starts with what it probably the shortest sentence in the entire book. It’s an introduction, in every sense of the word. The book is really conversational. Bloggy almost, with it’s wild digressions and occasional bizarrely misinformed informational treatises.
As for the first chapter, Wikipedia summarizes, “In Chapter 1, ‘Loomings’, Ishmael introduces himself. With a mixture of chattiness, seriousness, and humor, he speaks of his temperament, the call of the sea, and contends that every man wants at least once in his life to leave the land behind for the ocean.” This summary touches on something of a theme in the book. The book is supposed to be allegorical, and employ symbolism and whatnot, which would seem to imply a universally applicable message of some kind. There’s a continual striving for universality that becomes apparent from the start. It’s not enough that Ishmael wants to set sail. This desire must be universal. Every man must want to set sail. That is ‘man’ as in masculine, not ‘man’ as in some sort of generic term for human. He’s only willing to extend his universality so far.
He starts by saying he wants to sail and then goes on, “If they
but knew it, almost all men in their degree, some time or
other, cherish very nearly the same feelings towards the
ocean with me.” He comes up with more and more spectacular and dubious examples of a desire for ocean voyages: people go to the beach, therefore, they yearn for the sea. Until the presence of water in landscape paintings must also mean that men want to head out on a boat.
But here is an artist. He desires to paint you the dreamiest,
shadiest, quietest, most enchanting bit of romantic
landscape in all the valley of the Saco. What is the chief
element he employs? There stand his trees, each with a
hollow trunk, as if a hermit and a crucifix were within ; and
here sleeps his meadow, and there sleep his cattle ; and up
from yonder cottage goes a sleepy smoke. Deep into distant
woodlands winds a mazy way, reaching to overlapping
spurs of mountains bathed in their hill-side blue. But
though the picture lies thus tranced, and though this pine-
tree shakes down its sighs like leaves upon this shepherd’s
head, yet all were vain, unless the shepherd’s eye were fixed
upon the magic stream before him.
In other words, landscape paintings are crap without water scenes. Therefore, I want to take a boat. Melville needed a blog.
This highly suspect reasoning starts to seem like a straining for justification. It’s not just a flight of fancy for me to want to do this. Everybody wants to do it. Therefore, it’s reasonable that I should do it.
He carries on in his chatty tone to overly explain why he wants to go as a crew member and not a passenger – want of cash, largely. And finally just ascribes his desire to go whaling in particular as fate, “Though I cannot tell why it was exactly that those stage
managers, the Fates, put me down for this shabby part of
a whaling voyage,” I can say why whales are cool. Which he does, and then the plot-part starts in chapter two.
So chapter one mostly functions to introduce the narrator as a highly literate schoolmaster/sailor who likes to go on at length. And it sets up the tone of the novel. Funny, poetic, sometimes silly, but seeking of universal truths. Looking, almost, a bit too hard for them.
Glad to be Leaving
I actually have no idea why the bill for gas and electricity is so large, but now I know why it came to a name that I don’t recognize. It used to be in the name of one of my housemates. The guy that moved out (thank god). When he moved out, he didn’t tell anyone. I finally asked his sister weeks later and she confirmed that he was gone, although I was pretty sure that’s what had happened when I saw that the TV and all the toilet brushes disappeared.
When he left, he changed the bills to be under a fictitious name. And didn’t tell anybody, except possibly his sister, what name to look for. So last week, I saw a letter from the electric/gas company addressed to an unknown name, and realized that I had given no money to either company in quite a long time. I opened it and it alerted me that the gas and power was going to be shut off in a few days time unless we sent them money. A lot of money. The bill is incredibly high.
I called the company and asked if it possibly dated from before we moved in. They refused to discuss anything with me unless I faxed in a copy of my tenancy agreement. I couldn’t not get them to agree to delay shutting things off, even. So I did that and they promised to send a revised bill and have not done so.
And then I started talking to my housemates. The sister refused to pay anything and demanded to know why I had called them. (Personally, I think of it as kind of a disaster when power and gas get shut off, but I’m also the sort of person who replaces lightbulbs. Indeed, I’m the only person in this house who replaces lightbulbs.) She claimed the electric company was lying about the amount that we owed. We had already paid bills for the time covered under that bill, when it was in her brother’s name. I asked if she could produce copies of these bills, as that would surely help resolve any disputes. She got suddenly very shouty and defensive.
There was an interesting phrase on the bill. It said it was extremely accurate because they had sent somebody around to read the meter. Apparently, the previous bills all said they were the amount that the residents had called up to report.
Now, this is pure speculation on my part, drawn from conjecture and partially remembered rants of my very ranty ex-housemate, but what I suspect is that he was calling them up every month with invented numbers on the meter. Then he switched it to a name unconnected with him and hoped that nothing would get shut off before his sister moved out.
How much is the bill? Less than my monthly rent in London is going to be, but not much less.
The gas/electric company promised to send something within the week, when I explained that we were all about to move and I needed to see something in writing to present to my housemates or else I would get stuck with the whole thing. They made false promises about mailing things.
There’s false promises and duplicity all around. And I’m going to get stuck with the entire bill. Because the only way I’m getting any money out of the lying weasel or his sister is going to be to take them to court. And the whole process will certainly involve a wall of manic shouting from both of them. I have more financial capital than emotional capital. I can pay money and make the stress go away.
I was joking earlier that the vibe living here made me pine for the good old days of a disintegrating marriage. Truly I have cursed myself to an expensive divorce.