Thee things needed in a realtionship

  1. Love
    This is the most important thing to make a serious relationship work. But the Beatles weren’t right, it’s not all you need. But I think with love and determination, you can get to the other two.
  2. Communication
    You can love somebody to death, but if you aren’t getting that across, well, that’s a huge problem. You need to be able to communicate both what you need from the other person and to be able to understand what they need from you. I think communication fails more often than love.
  3. Boundaries
    Limits to what you can demand. Limits to what can be demanded of you. Limits to how far you’ll push, how much you want to know and what you’re willing to do. The clearer you are on these (and the clearer you communicate them), the happier you will be. Incompatible boundaries are a huge potential problem, but hopefully love will enable compromise. And if not, well, boundaries can break relationships. But they can also make them work much much better. I’m told this and I beleive it.

Germany?

I have an opportunity, potentially, to spend next year in Germany, doing the program that I thought I might do after I graduate. Apparently, none of the second years want to do it, meaning that I could apply for next year or apply for the year after. Karlsruhe is the warmest part of Germany and is about a day’s walk through the Black Forest to France.

I need to think fast. applications are due next week.

Today

The concert went alright. More people showed up than I expected. Composers were not publically acknowledged, so I felt kind of anonymous afterwards. I like my piece because it’s just intonted and the just reverberation is very nice.

It occurs to me, on the subject of depression, that I have a really good reason to feel sad right now. And I have a shrink. And I should feel sad. and that’s ok.

*pained noise here*

After Christi didn’t show up, I sent her some email asking her about rescheduling, etc. I thought that she didn’t write back, but I just found her reply hiding amidst supercollider mailing list crap

She doesn’t want to work it out. not ever.
I was a fool to break up with her
maybe this would have happened anyway.
I love her. I counted her as the most important thing in my life for a third of my life.
My shrink says that I should let myself feel sad when I feel sad.

this is so so so wrong. this isn’t supposed to happen. there must be some mistake somewhere. we’re married. we’re supposed to love each other. i was thinking all day about how much i miss her…..
alas alas alas alas woe misery
it would be very bad to call her right now and i’m not going to do it. very bad. very very bad.

Website review

Everybody I hang out with is currently out of town, so I’m going to a review a website on my blog. Orkut.com is Google’s forray into the world of Friendster-like communities. These are community-type websites that rely on personal connections. You sign up and then get your friends to sign up and they get their friends to sign up, and it creates networks of these friendship associations. You can use these association to search for people who, for example, like Ayn Rand. You get a list of people and can see how they are connected to you. You are friends with Joe who is friends with Amanda who is friends with Julian, who likes Ayn Rand. You can then click on Julian’s profile and look at her picture and find out where she lives and other info about her. For example, Julian might live in a town five miles away, list bondage as a hobby and that she is looking to date people of your gender. You could then send Julian email, ask for an introduction through the parties in between or pretend you never found this connection, depending on what you think of these things.

Orkut seems to offer all these friendster services, with a few more. For instance, orkut has “communities” of their members with similar interests. So you can find anarchists, biodeisel fanatics or whatever. Also, it goes farther in the personal ad aspect of friendster, by asking the same questions as yahoo personals. describe your sense of humor. do you live alone, have roomates or pets? etc. It lets you list a website, which is not supported by yahoo personals. and it’s free.
It also will list your job skills, education, skills and resume-like things for potential headhunters. This inappropriate mixture of personal and professional is something that would only come out of silicn valley. does a headhunter really need to be able to find out on the same website that I know java and that I think body piercing is sexy? boundaries! networking for jobs and networking for dates are different animals! engineers should not be allowed to design these services because of their tendency to not have lives outside of work.
Also, what website do i list? my blog? my personal site? my professional site? i’m confused about the mission that i’m supposed to be trying to accomplish. also, it asks for a lot of information for a personal ad. More than I would normally post. But You can set levels of privacy for information and of course, it relies on these friendship networks, so theoretically, the people seeing it are somewhat trusted. Unless people cheat the system. In my friendster network, I’ve found Yale (who knew?), a few college radio stations, a Chinese restaurant, and the other day, Screetch from Saved by the Bell popped up. Who knew I was so few degrees of seperation from fictional celebrities?
Some nice things about the Orkut service is that you can tell it your many email addresses, so if people invite you to be their friend at any one of your ten email addresses you’ve used over the last few years, it will find you. And when I signed up, it remembered invitations that I must have received months ago and ignored, so I had connections waiting for me.
This service lists “affiliated with Google” on the bottom of every page. Will Google take over the friendship market? Is mixing networking goals innapropriate or very powerful? Is this product brilliant or too weird? I dunno. If you want to join and/or add me as a friend, just type in any email address that you normally use to reach me.

I am influenced by kraftwerk

The thing that used to need salt. I don’t think it was obviously at 210 bpm before…. The code for this has changed a lot to reflect last monday’s lecture. Um, and Kraftwerk has complicated drum lines and is extremely reptitive. so this now has um.. more involved drum lines and in every section, the rythms and melodies are now linked. so if you hear rhythm x in section 1, it will have melody y connected to it every time you hear it. of course, every time the program is run, the melody will be different. and the drums aren’t linked to anything. and it is definitely definitely time for bed.

Song structure

So I’m still working on the song that needs salt (ok, I know it’s not a song unless it has words….). Aaron told me that the lastest incarnation resmebles Kraftwerk, so I popped Die Mensch-Machine into my CD player so I could try to get some inspriation on how to fix my doomed work (aside from de-glitching it….).

I’m listening to it right now, from an analysis point of view. when I listened to Kraftwerk before, as just tunes I liked, I tended to focus on their awesome sound design. This album came out in 1978 and is a fine example of analog synthesis. Their sounds are very nifty, nicely filtered and in tune. They get many nice fx from good filter usage and do a lot of unashamed analog sweeps, which are idiomatic of the instrument and aren’t afraid to throw in a nice splat here or there.
Structurally, however, sound design aside, their songs are just lame pop songs with simplistic rhythms and chord progressions. Everything going on is in the sound design and the arpegiation. if you played the songs on the piano, they would just be goofy. they’re not Frank Zappa, they’re just a silly pop band and I never noticed till now.
Let this be a lesson to you: do not change the way you listen to music that you like.