Fontastic

I’ve got a demo going of the SMuFL font thing here. This is what my style.css looks like:

@font-face {
  font-family: Bravura;
  src: local("Bravura Regular"),
    local("BravuraRegular"), 
    url(Bravura.otf) format("opentype");
}
 
body {
  font-family: Bravura, Sonata, sans-serif; 
}

td {font-size:200%;}

I cheated. Instead of writing the script to generate all the glyphs in javascript, I used sclang because I know it already. This is the code:

i = 0x1D1FF - 0x1D100 + 1;

"<html>".postln;
"<head>".postln;
"<link rel="stylesheet" type="text/css" href="style.css">".postln;
"</head>".postln;
"<body>".postln;
"<table border =1 cellpadding =5>".postln;

i.do({|glyph|
 // unicode music section
 glyph = glyph + 0x1D100;
 "<tr><td>%</td><td>&#x%;</td>".postf(glyph.asHexString(5), glyph.asHexString(5));

 // SMuFL extra music char section
 glyph = glyph + 0xE000 - 0x1D100;
 "<td>%</td><td>&#x%;</td>".postf(glyph.asHexString(5), glyph.asHexString(5));
 glyph = glyph + 0xFF;
  "<td>%</td><td>&#x%;</td>".postf(glyph.asHexString(5), glyph.asHexString(5));
 glyph = glyph + 0xFF; 
 "<td>%</td><td>&#x%;</td>".postf(glyph.asHexString(5), glyph.asHexString(5));
 glyph = glyph + 0xFF; 
 "<td>%</td><td>&#x%;</td>".postf(glyph.asHexString(5), glyph.asHexString(5));
 glyph = glyph + 0xFF; 
 "<td>%</td><td>&#x%;</td>".postf(glyph.asHexString(5), glyph.asHexString(5));
 glyph = glyph + 0xFF;
 "<td>%</td><td>&#x%;</td>".postf(glyph.asHexString(5), glyph.asHexString(5));
 glyph = glyph + 0xFF;
 "<td>%</td><td>&#x%;</td>".postf(glyph.asHexString(5), glyph.asHexString(5));
 glyph = glyph + 0xFF;
 "<td>%</td><td>&#x%;</td>".postf(glyph.asHexString(5), glyph.asHexString(5));
 glyph = glyph + 0xFF;
 "<td>%</td><td>&#x%;</td>".postf(glyph.asHexString(5), glyph.asHexString(5));
 glyph = glyph + 0xFF;
 "<td>%</td><td>&#x%;</td>".postf(glyph.asHexString(5), glyph.asHexString(5));
 glyph = glyph + 0xFF;
 "<td>%</td><td>&#x%;</td>".postf(glyph.asHexString(5), glyph.asHexString(5));
 glyph = glyph + 0xFF;
 "<td>%</td><td>&#x%;</td></tr>n".postf(glyph.asHexString(5), glyph.asHexString(5));
});
"</table>".postln;
"</body></html>".postln;
"";

It’s not the nicest code I’ve ever written.
If you click through and see musical stuff at the top of the first two columns, then all is well. If you see non musical stuff, like linux penguins, then the font thing didn’t work. This is what it looks like for me:
.flickr-photo { border: solid 2px #000000; }.flickr-yourcomment { }.flickr-frame { text-align: left; padding: 3px; }.flickr-caption { font-size: 0.8em; margin-top: 0px; }


Bravura in Firefox, originally uploaded by celesteh.

If you’re getting something really different, if you don’t mind leaving a comment about your browser and operating system? This is supposed to work with internet explorer, so I’m interested in the experiences of Windows users and especially of iPad users.
I mentioned yesterday that I was drawing some influence from Russian art of the revolutionary period. This is a picture of a plate originally designed around then:
.flickr-photo { border: solid 2px #000000; }.flickr-yourcomment { }.flickr-frame { text-align: left; padding: 3px; }.flickr-caption { font-size: 0.8em; margin-top: 0px; }


Supermatist Plate, originally uploaded by celesteh.

It’s got a nice mix of abstract and concrete symbols. Also this google search returns a load of suprematist images. There seems to be a clear relationship between those kinds of images and some of Schaeffer’s colour pieces, which are single page graphic scores.
The next steps for me, aside from getting some javascript skills, are picking which of those many many many musical symbols will be in my palette. I can’t just pick randomly within the range, because some of them would be especially nonsensical (like the MIDI cable ones) and not every glyph is supported.
Also, I still need to pick out some text.

Sketches

.flickr-photo { border: solid 2px #000000; }.flickr-yourcomment { }.flickr-frame { text-align: left; padding: 3px; }.flickr-caption { font-size: 0.8em; margin-top: 0px; }


Sketches, originally uploaded by celesteh.

I finally did some sketeches with pen and pencil about what I might do. The gamut of allowable shapes is therefore:

  • curved arrows
  • straight arrows
  • musical glyphs of any size (a list of allowable unicode numbers will be forthcoming)
  • coloured blobs
  • clouds of dots
  • text
  • numbers
  • circles
  • squiggly lines

Boxes that contain text may have 0-2 other items. Boxes that do not contain text may have 3-5 items.
A few of the boxes I drew reminded me of some of the Russian avant-garde stuff, like the Constructivists and Suprematists. This is not a co-incidence since, inspired by the name of my choir, I went to see a bunch of Constructivist work some weeks ago. I’ll post some of the images I’m thinking of shortly.
As far as text goes, I had an idea to use some incantations of C’thulu, but then I realised that’s a terrible idea, so I’m thinking now of some English translations of Constructivist and Suprematist poetry or prose, still about sounding and listening.

Delightful Banana Muffins

  • 1 ⅓ US Cup (190 grams) self-raising flour
  • ½ US Cup (140 grams) sugar
  • ¼ tsp salt
  • ¾ US Cup (135 grams) porridge oats
  • 2 mooshed bananas
  • ⅓ US Cup (80 mL) olive oil
  • 1 tsp vanilla extract
  • ⅔ US Cup (160 mL) soy milk

Preheat oven to 190 °C / Gasmark 5 / 375 °F. In a large bowl, mix all the dry ingredients (add 1 tsp baking powder and 1 tsp sodium bicarbonate (baking soda), if you’re not using self-raising flour). Add all the wet ingredients and mix just until there’s no pockets of flour lurking. Don’t over mix! Spoon into a lightly oiled muffin tin (also known as a cupcake tin) or silicon muffin cups (or cupcake cups) and bake for 15-20 minutes until golden brown. Makes a dozen.

OSC and Javascript

Having my mouth cut open took a bit more out of me than I expected. I have nothing new to share about rendering graphics with font symbols in javascript, but here are some js libraries that can do OSC, which will be needed for a later stage of this project. I was looking these up for another project that needs to both send and receive OSC. I don’t want to have to learn two different OSC libraries, so even though this project only needs to receive, I’m only interested in libraries that do both. All of these seem to be built on top of another library called Node.js

  • Kievii does a lot more than I need, but there’s OSC in it too.
  • OSC-web has some proxy stuff which could be useful for later projects
  • OSC-min is a minimal implementation that does everything I need
  • The website for Node.js has a list of popular OSC implementations

Back to rendering graphics soon. I’ve been reading an introduction to javascript, which is way too basic, but a place to start. After that, I think what I need to know about is probably canvas, so I’ll be reading about that.
Also, obviously, I need to think about symbols that are not just bits of music notation font. If I also want to use text, I either need to write some or find something that I can use, such as a philosophical text or poem. If I want the text to be related to the mechanics of the piece, it should be about sounding and listening. There’s some odd text on this theme that I remember from the very start of Noise Water Meat, so I might go looking for that in translation. I really do need to make some paper sketches soon or there’s a risk that I’ll just be making a real-time, machine-listening, pastiche of Redhead and while that would be great fun, I do want to make this my own.
I’m also sort of wondering how I want to page changing to work. Do I want the boxes to just fade in and then fade out? Do I want them to move their location on the screen? Do I want them to change size? Should the elements within them stay fixed? I’m thinking that if the box is moving or changing size, the stuff in it can’t also move or it’s too much.

Creative Pact Day 3

So I’m doing the Creative Pact, but I’m a day behind because I didn’t hear about it until September 2nd. My project is to write a vocal piece wth a computer generated score in real time.
I don’t have a lot to report today. I learned some facts:

  • There is a new release of SCMIR
  • It is totally possible to serve fonts across the web for viewing web pages. You use a thing in CSS called @font-face
  • There is a new initiative for standardisation in music fonts called SMuFL (pronounced ‘smooful’). Compliant fonts implement the unicode section for music fonts and then have a bunch of additional musical symbols.
  • The font that ships with LilyPond, Bravura implements SMuFL and looks alright.
  • (The tattoo on my arm is bass clef in the font that shipped with Sibelius 3. What font is that?)

I can’t do a proper demo of this because fonts included in a web page need to be served from the same server as the webpage (at least for firefox users), but this style.css bit sets the font to Bravura for the whole of a webpage:

@font-face {
  font-family: Bravura Regular;
  src: local("Bravura Regular"),
    local("BravuraRegular"), 
    url(Bravura.otf) format("opentype");
}
 
body {
  font-family: Bravura Regular, Sonata, sans-serif; 
}

That uses the local copy of Bravura, if it’s already on your machine, or downloads it if not. If somehow that goes wrong, it uses the Sonata font instead. When I get a chance, I’ll upload a proper demo to my website, doing a table of all the musical symbols. But probably not tomorrow, as I’m going ot have dental surgery in the morning and will probably feel rotten later in the day.

Working from home

So this is day 2 of the creative pact thing in which I try to work from home on my gf’s day off from work. Alas, I have no sketches to upload.
Paper graphic scores can either be single page or multi-page. Bogusław Schaeffer’s colour pieces, Anthony Braxton’s Falling River pieces and Carl Testa’s squiggles are all examples of single page pieces that work well. When I’ve done these pieces, performers have either taken the page as a whole, or picked different spots on the page to concentrate on. (I only saw very early versions of Testa’s pieces, so his instructions may have become more directed since then.) This interpretation has not required things be done in any particular order. Someone might start with a set of symbols or notation at the bottom right, then go on to the top left, then do something outline a large shape across the whole page.
Some good multipage scores are, obviously, Cardew’s Treatise and also Lektura by Schaeffer and Concerto by Lauren Redhead. Because these pieces progress regularly from one page to the next, a certain tendency towards chronological order is introduced. The pages therefore seem to need a structure that holds them together and allows them to progress. Schaeffer and Redhead use boxes. Their pieces are also divided into parts. So the performer can look at a box, know whether or not it belongs to them and know it’s timing relative to other boxes other people are interpreting. The box itself seems to be often taken as a whole, with performers able to decide on whatever ordering seems to make most sense in context. By contrast, Treatise is not in parts and the entire ensemble reads from the score, on the same page at the same time. His pages are held together by the ‘lifeline.’ This is a horizontal line across nearly every page that performers can orient themselves along. Mark Applebaum’s Medium is a multi-part piece that does not have a consistent structure, but even it has the vertical ordering of parts and many parts do have something lifeline-like. Some sort of line or box structure seems to be extremely helpful to performers of multi-page scores.
My piece will be on a single, changing screen, which I think makes it more like a multi-page piece than a single page piece. It will be a non-divided score like Treatise. My intention at the moment is to devise a gamut of symbols and then put those symbols in boxes, like Schaeffer or Redhead. Some of these symbols will be based on existing musical symbols, but in differing contexts. They may also be rotated within the bounding boxes, like Redhead.
Because this will be in javascript, I need a way to render them in a web browser. Rather than work out exactly how to draw a notehead in code (yikes), this situation seems to call for a font-based solution. I have not yet worked out what musical fonts I can count on to be available, but I have found the unicode specifications for musical symbols in fonts and how to represent those in HTML. Also, should you wish to type a unicode symbol on an ubuntu computer, you would first hit ctrl-shift-u and then type the hex code and then a space. So to type a bass clef, hit ctrl-shift-u 1D122 space. I have no idea what application this might have, but there you go.
What I’m imaging will happen is that the program will render an image using lines and curves and polygons, some musical font stuff and some text, then rotate that image some amount from 0-360 degrees, then clip it to a bounding box, then draw the clipped portion on the screen with a black outline around it.
I pondered putting a web server on the main, listening computer, in order to get it to render the images. It could then tell the clients to download and display them in the proper place, which would make sure everybody was doing the same thing. This might be the right idea, especially if I want to use one of LilyPond’s music fonts, which I spent too long trying to find on my system. Right now, though, it seems like an extra layer of work that hopefully I can avoid.
I’ve upgraded to the latest version of processing and downloaded the javascript and coffee script modes. The next step is to read the quick start guide for folks experienced with processing.

Picking a Graphics Library

There’s some Creative Pact thing that people do for the month of September. I’ve decided that I should work on my commission for the Vocal Constructivists. I’m going to generate some graphics notation for them. When I say ‘generate,’ that’s pretty literal. My plan is to computer generate graphics notation in real time, in response to computer listening to what the choir is doing, so as to create a feedback loop of sorts.
Obviously, there are a lot of parts for this. I have some vague ideas of how to do the listening (SCMIR and some other feature extraction with SuperCollider). But as this is a feedback loop, there’s also a question of how people will tend to respond to various notation, so I’m starting with the notation aspect first.
There have been some very interesting live notation projects I’ve seen. They often use LilyPond as the rendering engine. There are some SuperCollider libraries that interface with this system. However, the Constructivists are more about graphic notation, so unless lilypond lets you disassemble notation symbols like Cardew’s Treatise, it’s not quite what I need. I really need a vector graphics library that I can communicate with via OSC.

Practising and Performing

The LilyPond stuff works really well because the notation is already very widely understood. There are a lot of ways a performer can interpret a crotchet on B-flat, but the pitch and duration are already set, at least, Other dynamics markings, phrase markings, etc give a lot of data to a performer. In essence, the perofrmer has thousands of hours spent already learning the notational symbols. Many or most of these elements may be absent or modified in graphical notation. Therefore, a performer of a graphical score must learn the notations they learn the piece. If the notation is changing in real time, this sets up a serious issue as to how they should practice.
There’s a chasing-one’s-tail problem with feedback loops, so for now some set process will generate the notation. Performers need to be able to see the notation while they practice and perform. This implies that either I’ll need to create some static printed sheets, which are in danger of beocming a fixed score, or else I need to be able to send notation to the laptops, tablets or other devices that they can then take home with them and look at.
I was considering using Open Frameworks or Cinder, but there are some issues that prevent this. These issues are political, not technical. And they have to do with Apple, who have deicded that free software is not welcome on their platforms. A tablet is exactly the form factor that’s needed, but as the real owner of all iPads is Apple computer, who sees fit to dictate what consumers can do with something they spend a small fortune on, I’m out of luck unless I want to write multiple versions in multiple languages and pay a fee to Apple for the privilege of wasting my time. So I’m going to have to do it in javascript.
If anybody is wondering why javascript is so popular right now, the answer is because Apple are wankers.
Right, ok, I hate javascript and I hate browser plaforms but sometimes art forces one to gaze down into muck so as to better appreciate the stars overhead. Anyway. So there’s a version of Processing for javascript, which I’m leaning towards because I’ve got some processing experience and there is a lot of documentation. Alas, somehow processing in the past has had the power to make even single rendered lines look ugly. But you know, sometimes you need to trade off things like aesthetics and performance and joy in life to make some Silicon Valley billionaires happy.
If I want to try something new, there are actually quite a few javascript vector graphics libraries on offer. One seemingly popular one is called Raphaë1 and then there is one with fun demos Bonsai and then one designed for ‘creative coding’ called Sketch.js, (which works with Coffee Script, which seems to be less painful than normal java script) and then there’s the very old school looking JSGL. I have no idea which one to use.
I’m hoping somebody gives me some suggestions, but barring that, Processing has a lot of documentation and a large user base. Also, since this is a piece for performers, I’d like it to have a longer self-life than I would expect out of a purely digital piece. If people are going to go to the trouble of learning it, they shouldn’t be forced to abandon it before they’re ready.
So my next task is to dig out my art supplies and start sketching out ideas. What might a snapshot of the notation look like? What are elements on the page and how might they transform?

Vigils and Protests

Hate crimes against trans* people now outnumber hate crimes against LGB people. Because of the increasing globalisation of our struggle, it’s appropriate and important to hold vigils for those killed, whether they were local or half a world away. Let’s be clear, these vigils are protests

Some issues arise. If vigils were not protests, it would be right and appropriate that the family have complete control of the speakers and what happens. This is the case at all funerals and memorial services. However, hate crimes are not isolated incidents. A hate crime is an act meant to target and terrorise an entire community. A vigil is a more public event that must therefore address the larger context in which the person was killed. These events therefore, should have input from the family, but also belong to the community effected.

Anyone can plan a protest or a vigil in regards to hate crimes. Alas, there are many opportunities. Yesterday, I went to a protest/vigil outside the Jamaican High Commission in London in response to the murder of Dwayne Jones. The planners of this event see hate crimes as a global problem and plan many such protests. This is unquestionably a good thing to do. They are fantastic. I’m glad they exist and they take these things on.

However, groups working to call for justice do need to have a bit of training, as was illustrated recently in New York. This is some of what you need to know:

If the person killed was trans, it’s appropriate to have signs and chants that mention homophobia, but you must prominently mention transphobia. These two things are linked, but if somebody was murdered for being trans, it’s confusing and incorrect to make signs that they were murdered for being gay. ‘Trans’ is not a type of ‘gay’. Certainly homophobia is also a problem in places where trans people are murdered, but the issue at hand is transphobia. Again, its ok to link these things. A vigil for a victim of a hate crime is always about the larger climate, but it’s important not to accidentally erase what happened to the individual in question.

Use the correct pronouns. If the pronouns are unclear, go for ‘they’ or something gender neutral. Do not assume that somebody’s birth assignment is the correct way to refer to them.

If you have a trans group in your area, reach out to them or their leaders as soon as you decide to start planning and invite them to the meetings.

At least one of the speakers you have must be trans. If you are in the UK, the Camden LGBT forum may be able to help you find somebody, or the Peter Tatchell Foundation may also be able to help. Also, some of the trans people involved in the planning may be able to speak or know somebody who can.

If the person is a member of a racial or ethnic minority, this should be reflected in who speaks. If they were located overseas, a person from that country or their diaspora should speak.

Remember to invite trans people and trans groups to the protest. If you’re in the UK, send a message to Protest Transphobia.

Reach out to potential allies. If you were planning to protest against hate crimes in Greece, you could reach out to other groups recently targeted there, such as migrants and sex workers. Or a protest about Russia could also include drug addicts, as they also suffer brutal repression under Putin.

What if you can’t do all of these things? Don’t worry. As long as you use the right pronouns and mention transphobia, you’re ok. If you’ve made mistakes about this in the past, don’t worry about them. Now you know.

Edit to add: solidarity

The important key here is solidarity. LGBT-phobia is a problem not unique to any religion or culture. Speakers at the event must not place blame on a either. They can call for social change a change in government policy, but they should not compare any other country negatively to their own. For those based in the UK, remember that homophobia and transphobia in most commonwealth countries came from the colonial law imposed by Britain. If you are in the US, full equality is still lagging. If you’re in Australia, you’ve got major issues with asylum seekers. Etc. There is no country I know of that’s completely safe from hate crimes, so focus on what you want to see change, not on how anybody else should be more like privileged countries or classes. If you are feeling at all smug about your country, just don’t get up to speak. We’re there in solidarity, not judgement.

How to talk about Pvt Manning

Some news outlets seem to have absolutely no idea how to talk about Chelsea Manning, who was known until last week as Bradley Manning and has been sentenced to 35 years in prison after she sent classified documents to wikileaks. They’re confused on how to describe her actions before she announced her social transition and which pronouns they should use to talk about the period in her life when she identified as a gay man.
(hint: see previous paragraph)
Chelsea Manning is already famous under a different name, so it’s fine to mention her former name. But really, don’t get cute about pronouns. It is more confusing, not less, to have a jumble of ‘he’s and ‘she’s. You know from her press release that she wants to go by ‘she’, so use ‘she’ whenever you’re writing about her, no matter what period of her life.
If you want to talk about something inherently gendered, then you might want a wee bit of vocabulary. She identified as a gay man for a while, meaning that’s what she told people she was. Other people at the time read her as male, because that’s how she presented herself. If ‘read’ is too jargony, try ‘viewed’, or ‘perceived.’
You can talk about her childhood, but again, avoid being cute about it. For example, if you want to use the word ‘boyhood’, is there a good reason for it? Is it somehow very important to the sentence or is it a word she used herself? Don’t project gender unless you’re using the subject’s own words or unless its needed. ‘She was a quiet child’ is fine. ‘She was a quiet boy.’ is confusing and unnecessary. ‘She seemed like a normal boy.’ is ok for two reasons – one is that the gender is an important part of the sentence. She didn’t just seem like a normal child, she seemed like a normal boy. The other reason that it’s acceptable is the word ‘seemed.’ She was perceived as a normal boy, which is about how she was viewed, not what she actually was. ‘She was a normal boy’ is not ok because it is factually incorrect (she already knew she wasn’t really a boy) and because it’s confusing and because it’s contrary and coercively assigning a gendered identity that the subject has not assigned themselves.
In summary, use ‘she’ all the time. If you have to use gendered terms to refer to the past, put wiggle words around it: seemed, appeared. (I’m sure journalists are well familiar with such words.)
If Manning keeps making headlines, at some point, it will become appropriate to drop the “who was previously known as Bradley Manning,” much like it’s no longer necessary to mention Wendy Carlos’s former first name. The point of mentioning the old name is not to draw attention to it, but to ensure that the reader knows who is meant.
Normally it’s rude and somewhat irrelevant to talk about the medical aspects of a person’s transition. However, because Manning is going to a prison that has specifically said it plans to violate her rights with regard to appropriate treatment, it’s definitely on topic in this case. Manning has said she wants hormones. She has not said that she wants surgery. It is not necessary to mention that she doesn’t currently want surgery. At some point, the repetition of this fact may become problematic. While media likes to make a big deal of ‘the operation,’ the reality for trans people is that hormones are much more important and that there is not one single dramatic moment during which transition occurs. Not all trans people have operations and there are a variety of operations available, rather than a single, monolithic process. The discourse around ‘the operation’ is a media construction. Which is not to say that trans people don’t often need operations, just that the context has been distorted in popular culture. This distorted context can cause statements about anyone’s lack of plan for surgery to make them seem as if they lack legitimacy or authenticity or further other them. Most trans people start out by seeking hormones and don’t immediately make further plans. Therefore Manning’s statement is entirely unremarkable and should not be treated otherwise.
Finally, and this should be obvious, people have a right to their gender identity that is inherently their own human right, unconnected to whatever else they’ve done in their lives. Whether you think Manning is a hero or a traitor, the only correct way to refer to her is through her current name and pronouns, as she has publicly requested.

New Flat!

First of all, I loved my old room in the co-op. The kitchen was chaotic and had moths and rodents and finally kittens, but the people were lovely. Having 18 housemates meant that it never got lonely, even if it occasionally was loud at times I wanted to be asleep. However, Sonia and I wanted to do the heteronormative couple-y thing and got a flat together.

It’s the newly-renovated top floor of a Victorian house, just around the corner form my previous room. The landlord just converted a single family home into three smaller flats. As far as I can tell we’re the first (not related to him) tenants in the house. Clues include the smell of paint and that I cannot seem to locate a phone jack anywhere in the flat.

We moved in and the management agent gave us two sets of keys to the house a a key to a meter. Well, sort of. When the removal van finally showed up and got all of my worldly possessions to to my new flat at 6pm on Friday, it emerged that the keys they gave me do not actually open the door. I tried calling the letting agency and the property manager, but they’d all gone home for the weekend. So I told the mover to leave all my stuff on the pavement outside the flat and then I waited for Sonia to get home. Thank goodness it wasn’t raining.

My American readers may be wondering why one would need a key to a meter. Remember reading Pygmalion in high school? Eliza Doolittle went home to her room and put an extra penny in the heater because the professor had overpaid her for her flowers. It all seemed so terribly Victorian that you would have a meter that you needed to put pennies into before you could run your heat. Well, they never quite got rid of this system in England, just updated it. Now it’s a fob system. Somebody gives you a ‘key.’ You take the key to a corner shop – the kind of store that mostly sells cheap alcohol to adults and magazines and candy to kids. You hand them the key and some cash (really, cash only) and they add money to the key. Them, when you get home, you stick the key in your meter and it will allow you to spend exactly that much money. Imagine if you were running it a bit tight on the electric bill. Under this system, your power might be cut a few days before every pay day. The bonus is that you don’t need to pay extra to turn it back on. The downside is that all your food spoils. Plus you get to pay loads more than middle class people get with their normal power bills. The Victorians were masters of screwing poor people. When conservatives in this country speak of ‘Victorian values’ they do so with nostalgic pride, not the deep shame the phrase deserves.

So I went down to the Londis and put all of my cash on the key and went back to the flat and looked everywhere for the meter. It was Saturday and the property manager was having his day off. I was slightly concerned that the power might turn off at any moment, but I had gig-related activities and anyway, there was no hot water and needed to find the boiler. Finally, I found a mysterious electrical switch in the bathroom and turned it on. There was a gurgling behind the wall. Aha! This must be the boiler. Of course, it would need time to heat up. So we gave it time. And Then more time. It was sealed behind a wall. So I took a cold shower and was grateful it’s August.

Maybe I could just do a load of laundry in the mean time. Augh! Water everywhere!

Meanwhile, Sonia asked the guy downstairs if he had any insight and it turned out he was the landlord’s brother. He came up and used a pen knife to get open the bit of the wall with the boiler behind it and thus we discovered that whoever had redone the bathroom had thought it was a good idea to seal the boiler behind a wall, having first left it in the ‘off’ position. So we waited again for it to heat up. Also, the power meter was located. In the basement flat, which is rented by yet another guy. So, we need to put money on the card, then knock on the door of the guy living in the basement, hope he’s home and charge up our power. Obviously, this will not do, so today Sonia rung up the power company and had a series of confusing conversations with them. And a series of conversations with the property manager. It gradually and painfully emerged that the card we had been given was actually for the gas meter, which is also in the basement apartment, locked behind a door that even the man who lives in the basement does not have a key for. So the reason we’ve got no hot water is because the gas meter was completely out of money. Meanwhile, the electric meter also has a key, which we don’t have. There was all of £3 left on the meter by the management company, so I’m just waiting for everything to turn off at any moment. Meanwhile, the guy in the basement has gotten extremely pissed off, as it took a few trips to his flat to figure out which meter was which and what’s going on.

Apparently, not having access to a gas valve is also something of a safety issue, but nevermind.

On the positive, I was able to arrange an appointment with the phone company to come and install internet and a phone line. In three weeks.

But at least there are no mice. And, this is not a phrase I’m ever likely to repeat, thank goodness the cooker is electric. And at least partly works