Boycotting

I can see from my facebook newsfeed that a lot of my USian friends are boycotting BP. BP ignored a lot of safety stuff, had a history of infractions and there’s been a huge disaster as a result. This kind of reminds me of the previous, then-largest spill in US history, when the Exxon Valdez crashed in Alaska. They also failed to follow safety regulations or best practices. Their filed statement about what to do in case of spill was similarly bogus (it assumed that all spills would take place in perfect weather on the summer solstice). Angry consumers also wanted to launch a boycott.
It turns out that it’s really hard to boycott oil from any particular refinery or source. Oil is fungible and the gas station closest to your house might have a particular brand on it, but they’re probably selling oil from many different refineries, including competitors. If nobody wants to buy BP gas at the BP station, the price of that gas will fall and Shell will buy it and start selling it from their own stations. You can hurt BP’s retail brand, but you can’t touch their refineries and wells unless you cut your overall gas consumption.
I’m not going to talk about car travel, because that’s too obvious. But we heat our houses with natural gas or diesel fuel, which is also a petroleum product. We heat our water with natural gas. Taking shorter or cooler showers is a way to stop throwing so much money at BP.
Also, we can be secondary consumers of petroleum. If I buy produce that’s flown on an airplane, I’m paying for the jet fuel that brought it to me. So to keep money form BP, I could try to buy more locally grown produce. I could try to get local stuff in general, or just buy less stuff, and thus give less money to BP.
Plastic is a petroleum product. Reusable shopping bags and reusable water bottles will keep money from BP.
A lot of electricity is generated from natural gas (including some which comes from plants that are supposed to be solar. They make up for cloudy days with gas), so turning stuff of at night, etc keep money from BP.
Now, obviously, because oil is fungible, these same steps keep money from other oil companies too. But, really, every oil company is up to no good someplace in the world. Shell is not currently causing problems in the US, but they’re doing all kind of bad things in Africa. Exxon (now branded Valero) hasn’t spilled anything in the US recently, but the Alaskan coast still hasn’t recovered – and neither have the workers who tried to clean up the spill without being provided proper safety equipment. Basically, there’s no such thing as a good oil company. And BP is the one that’s currently causing problems in the US, but every oil company is causing problems for somebody somewhere. Oil is dirty and toxic and often under places of great natural beauty or places where people inconveniently live (but can be removed from with armed violence). Countries that we might not want to be best buddies with sell us a lot of oil. And burning it causes stronger hurricanes and will eventually melt the world’s coral reefs.
So boycotting BP is a good start, but if we want to get serious about this and ensure real change that prevents stuff like this from happening in the future, we need to think bigger. Many countries require relief wells to be drilled at the same time as regular wells. Congress could pass a law requiring that if we ask them to. They could legislate that best practices be followed. And the US uses more petroleum per person than any other country – totalling a quarter of the world’s oil. That makes us vulnerable to spills and foreign powers. BP is just a tiny piece of a much larger problem that spans an entire industry and the way our lives are organised. If we want to fight them, we need to stop requiring so much of what they sell.

Hey, the State Department Changed Their Rules

It’s now way easier for USian transgender people to get their passport corrected. The new rules are published. From now, people need only be receiving an appropriate course of treatment and do not need surgery. This is established by a doctor’s letter. And the ever-helpful National Center for Transgender Equality has a sample letter available. Only certain types of doctors can write the letter. They haven’t yet stated what they will want from foreign doctors, but I’m going to call on Monday to ask. I imagine that in the UK, it should be fairly straightforward.

Why this is good news

There are a bunch of obvious reasons why this rule change is good. People can have an identity document that matches their presentation, thus making border crossings a lot easier. People in the US who do not have the thousands of dollars it takes for surgery can now get a passport. People who, for health reasons, cannot have surgery can get a correct passport. Trans people will no longer be subject to mandatory sterilisation in order to qualify for a correct passport.
FTMs could sometimes get away with just having top surgery to meet vaguely worded rules, but after Thomas Beattie (the pregnant man), some officials were more aware that some FTMs had male ID but were still fertile, and sought to stamp that out. Also, MTF surgery is widely understood to include sterilisation.
There are a lot of trans people who do not want to stay fertile, and they shouldn’t have to. But there’s a reason that phrases like “mandated sterilisation” make one shift uncomfortably. It’s a human rights violation. Trans people should have the same rights to become parents that cis people have. Cis people are not forced legally to decide whether they can have appropriate identity documents or can produce offspring. Now, at least for passports, trans people are no longer forced to make that choice either.

Postgrad life

The Loop

Wake up late. Check email. Check facebook. Check blogs. Ponder doing work. Do something work-like (read a book on the topic or write a related blog post or make sure software platform is current or work on code library or design drum sounds or . . .), Realise it’s time to go to whatever. Feel guilty due to lack of work accomplished. Decide to show up late. Then decide it’s too late and don’t go OR show up fantatically late. Feel guilty the whole time out. Pick up laptop upon return home. Just have a little peek at the internet. Realise it’s getting light out. Go to bed late . . ..

How It’s going to be

I have about 9 months to go, which is certainly enought time. I am going to go to bed by 2. I am going to get up by 10. I will limit facebook + blogs together to no more than one hour per day. I will not start typing on my tutorial until I have done 2 hours of composing. Every thing I start programming needs to get into a piece. I will go out 3 or 4 nights a week, because I cannot be a shut-in. I will slack at least one day per week but not more than 2. Slack day means 4+ sunlight hours not looking at a computer.
I will write 10 minutes of music per month. I will finish by May.
I’m writing this on the bus, so it’s not ironic!
Changing my sex has been somewhat distracting, but I have to get on with it.

The vast emptiness of a blank page

I fire up my music software of choice, SuperCollider, and I open a new document and there’s nothing in it. It’s just a glowing rectangle of empty white, waiting for me to start typing.
Composing for SuperCollider is not like composing for a piano. First, you have to build the piano.
And you know, building a piano is hard. Maybe I don’t even want that sound. Maybe something else? Maybe anything I can think of? What should I type into that white void?
In my past, I’ve found that I actually have trouble talking about musical ideas. I mean, they’re slippery to talk about, obviously, but, I couldn’t seem to talk about them at all. People would ask me about music and I would start talking about technology. What’s my new musical idea? Well, I’ve got this P5 Glove, which I think I could use for gestural input. No, what’s my musical idea? Ah well, I have an algorithm that can compute scales based on spectra and I’m thinking of modifying it to be able to take amplitude modulation parameters like frequency, offset, amplitude and wave shape (including sine, triangle and square) or an array of partials for each wave form and thus generate scale steps that way. No but what’s my latest musical idea?
Ok, five years after discovering this disconnect, I think I can actually have musical ideas. Maybe. At least, the possibility is in my radar.
But, you know, if I’m thinking about technology, then at least it’s going to possibly suggest something musical, arising from the material possibilities it presents. And I think that might be a lot easier than staring into the hopeless void of a blank page. I think this might be why an analog synth is both easier and more fun. It’s not just the knobs, it’s the inherent limitations.
. . . Anyway, I’ve got this formula, and I think I found the formula for the spectrum of AM (and RM) and I really like the first few bars of Four Walls Act 2 Scene 4 by John Cage, so maybe a percussive attack on RM triangle waves and then I could modify the offset over time towards AM and also slide my scale mapping to reflect that . . .

See writing letters DOES help

today, I wrote this:

In your story, “Seattle man charged in 2nd hate-crime
case
,” you have identified the victim as “a man who
was dressed as a woman.” In fact, the victim is transgender and
identifies as a woman. According to both the AP Style Guide and the New
York Times Style Guide, she should therefore by identified as a woman by
the press and female pronouns should be used. To call her a man is
incorrect and offensive and is using the same logic that her attacker
likely used.

I hope you can correct this article and avoid making this mistake again
in the future.

And I got a reply:

Your message regarding the story about the bus shelter assault was
forwarded to me because I wrote the item. I used the language that was
in the charging papers without realizing it would be hurtful or
offensive. Thanks for raising my awareness. Had you not written in, I
might have made the same mistake in the future.

Oh, man, that totally helped!
See, so writing to newspapers is not just spinning your wheels! So carry forth! We will make this a better world, one reporter at a time!

Do you feel like writing a letter?

I sure do miss the old days of composing reasoned missives off to other folks. But hey, there’s a veritable cornucopia of letter-writing opportunities today!
See, a few days ago, a few MTF women were sunbathing topless. Shocking, I know. Fortunately, the police were there to get involved. They told the women to please cover their boobs. [source] Think of the children! (If a child sees a breast, they perish. It’s amazing any of us survive to the age of solid food. Anyway.) Then, cue the news media.
Where should we start? The AP, which seems to have forgotten that it has a style guide, goes with the headline, “Transgender men go topless at Delaware beach“. Or there’s USA Today, with , “Topless ban at beach doesn’t apply to transgendered men with enhanced breasts.” Or literally hundreds more, because women sunbathing topless is the most exciting thing to have happened on the east coast this summer. But, I mean, if you were going to use the phrase, “transgendered men with enhanced breasts,” well, you really shouldn’t use that phrase, but if you were in a parallell universe where that phrase was remotely acceptable, you could misguidedly direct it at me. Directing it at women? Wrong wrong wrong!
So rather than go into a long post about how this is essentially an appeal for forced sterilisation for trans women and an appalling example of genital-essentialism, I’m going to ask you to write a letter. Pick one of the news outlets at random and politely correct them. (Don’t call them fucknecks, for example.) Here’s my letter to the AP:

To: info@ap.org
Dear Sir or Madam,

I recently came across your article, “Transgender men go topless at Delaware beach” ( http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5hwg8Mfyg6HGmXI6s1QycLqxGAU8wD9G3VVO80 ). The people in question were MTF transgender women. Referring to them as “men” violates your own style guide on dealing with transgender people and is also deeply offensive.

In the future, please consider remembering that you have a style guide that deals with these issues.

Thank you for your time,

Charles Céleste Hutchins

Ok, maybe that’s a bit snarky. But this is where you come in, Cis ally! You’re against transphobia? Write one letter! Pick one news outlet and write them a short little note! Cut and paste from this note or write your own. Then leave a comment here saying who you wrote to. You can share your note too, if you want. It doesn’t take much time and maybe the editor who gets it will realise he or she has made a mistake and might even do the right thing in the future. Or maybe it will be ignored. But it’s better to write the letter than not.
Everybody, now!

On Suffering and Bravery

Bravery

Back when I was an undergrad, in my 3rd of 4th year, I grew a benign tumor in the bone of the index finger of my dominant hand. It didn’t hurt as it grew, but it made my finger swell up, so I went to a doctor, who figured out what it was. He told me I should get it fixed within the next 6 months. For the next 5.5 months, it continued to swell and got kind of bendy – in a bad way. Finally, during the winter break, I went to see a hand surgeon. He told me that he would take bone from either my wrist or my hip to repair the bone in my finger. So I went in for an operation, not knowing if I was going to be able to walk properly at the end of it.
Fortunately, my wrist had enough extra bone. Although I couldn’t move my hand at all and my finger had shattered during the operation. It hurt like a mofo. I couldn’t write for the first few weeks of the spring term. And I had to switch to playing the trombone, because I couldn’t push a valve or actuate a string. I was also off my head on pain killers for a few weeks, and behaving in an odd way, and I had a gigantic bandage. When people asked me what happened, I would invent stories about heroics or accidents involving heavy machinery. People called me a lot of things during that time, some of which I was not pleased with.
Nobody called me brave. In fact, nobody called my dad brave when, after 50 years of wearing glasses, he got his eyeballs lasered. He had laser beams shot at his eyeballs, people! And when some of my well-endowed friends decided that their backs would hurt a lot less if they got breast reductions, I never heard anybody call them brave.
People have me called me brave, however, when I came out as queer at a Catholic high school. Well, not at first. First there was harassment. Then there was just being sort of a mini-celebrity whose friends got harassed. (Alas for them.) Then, suddenly, about the time I turned 18, the same people who had been giving me grief for the last four years wanted to tell me about how they respected me. As if I still cared what they thought!

Suffering

Life is suffering. – according to the first of the four noble truths of Buddhism. I find that a bit dark (at least without any context). I mean, life is also joyous and fascinating and boring and everything else. Suffering is certainly unavoidable, though. It’s like death and taxes. Everybody’s life has rough spots.
There are some social groups that are widely perceived as having extra suffering. For example, in America, biracial people, especially those with one black parent and one white parent. There’s a whole genre of fictional representation of this – called the tragic mulato. Writers imagined this person would feel at home in neither race and live a life of misery and sorrow, accepted by nobody and unable to achieve anything of note. Shockingly, this mythology still persists and is believed as truth. You’d think the president of the US would be a good enough counter-argument, but people believe what they want to believe.
Then, gay people were also perceived to suffer terribly. Again, all that ‘outside of society,’ ‘accepted by nobody’ crap. And, I mean, life probably does suck a lot for Ted Haggard and George Reekers. But it doesn’t suck because they’re gay. It sucks because they’re too cowardly to come out of the closet and so they build a giant web of lies and denial around themselves, that ultimately doesn’t just hurt them, it also harms their wives, children and, in the case of those two, society as a whole. Because it’s not brave to come out. Even in Catholic school. It’s a survival strategy. Life in the closet is too hard; it makes you act in strange ways.
Note that in both examples of suffering, there’s nothing fundamentally painful about either state, it’s just that some other people are bigots and might conspire to make your life difficult. And the whole social propaganda model of suffering was not to discourage bigotry, but in fact, to shore it up. None of this was ever framed as, “they suffer so, because of us. We should pack it in.” It was always framed as pity, which is just a hair away from hatred. And also as a warning to try to prevent people from turning gay in the first place or from biracial people from ever being born. This notion of suffering then, served the purpose of strengthening a binary opposition in terms of race and re-enforcing compulsory heterosexuality.
People who advocate for you to get a bunch of pity are not your allies. They deny your agency. They erase anything positive about your experiences. The prescribe social abuse even as they pretend to abhor it. Anybody who describes you as “brave” for existing is tapping in to this same idea. It’s as if they’re saying: “It’s so exceptional that you dare to let us know who you are and where you live, because some of us *wink* *wink* might come after you!” It seems like the more fruitful conversation should be with their peers in privilege, reminding people that sexual orientation or mixed race parentage is a natural occurring human event.
What’s worse is that people who use words like “brave” really do mean well. They don’t stop to think about what they’re saying, because who wants to think about their privilege? If you tell a mixed-race couple that they’re brave for having kids, you’re certainly expressing racism, even as you think you’re fighting it. It’s tough out there for well-meaning, but ignorant would-be allies. Alas, they’re not brave for charging forth and putting their foot in it.

Trans People

Much like it’s uncomfortable and awful pretending to be the wrong sexual orientation, it is similarly unfun pretending to be a gender that doesn’t work for you. Discrimination and violence also suck a lot, and there’s an unfortunate amount of that about. Fortunately, at least, dysphoria is something that can be dealt with. The process of transition is something of a journey, but it’s towards a happier goal. I feel good about it and I don’t think I’m alone in that. When I see trans people talk about the steps their taking along this path, they mostly are happy and excited, if sometimes also nervous.
Some of us have had a rough time getting to where we are now. Some haven’t. Some phrases about suffering do get repeated a lot, though, even by trans people. This could be because the speaker did have a hard journey. It could be out of a misguided confusion where they imagine the road to acceptance has pity as a way point. In some cases, it’s gotten in to the public discourse because shrinks mandated it in the script that trans people had to recite to get access to treatment. Everybody learned their lines. We say what they want us to say, they give us our HRT. It’s annoying and unhelpful, but you do what you have to do.
Some trans activism really is brave. People who fought the police at Stonewall, for example. But just going to the clinic? It could be a personal milestone in the life of that person. You know, and you could congratulate them, like you would a gay person coming out. Or like you would somebody at a baby shower. Give them support appropriate to the amount of closeness you have with them. But don’t assume we suffer. Don’t call going to the doctor brave.

My Wotever Playlist

Last night, I DJed for the first time ever, at a queer bar in Vauxhall. Bar Wotever is one of my favourite things in London. It’s a friendly, chilled out environment that is a real mix of people. There are LGB people and trans people and the straight and cisgender friends and lovers . It’s every Tuesday. the early DJ starts at 6 (that was me) and plays until 9. then there are usually a couple of stage acts and then another DJ playing dance music.
So my first ever DJ set was 3 hours long! Fortunately, very few people come for 6, so my early n00b errors were largely unwitnessed. It was fun and most of the music I played went down well, except for the one noise piece. Heh. It’s a great piece of music, but the organiser was not into it. This, incidentally, it a reason I write 1-minute pieces. Like, people will usually give you a minute. So if you can write a nice noise piece that’s one minute long, they will give it a shot and may even find they like it. Then it’s like a gateway drug for longer noise pieces. But I digress.
I have a list of everything that I played, but alas, I don’t know what order I played it in! So here’s a list of the songs I played, but totally out of order. If the song title is a link, it leads to where you can download it.

Song Artist Album Notes
Shy Girl The Sand Man Kaos Theory : Live On The Air trans lyrics, but uses the word “hermaphrodite” for shock value. Not sure what to think.
Yusae-Aisae Wendy Carlos Beauty in the Beast trans composer
Isis Whirled Venison trans composer
Poison 3 Jess Rowland The Shape of Poison trans composer
Without a care M. C. Brennan trans composer
Chromozones by Amber Calpernia Addams Sanitarium Sanctorum trans artist. I like this song because people make such a big deal about sex chromosomes XX or XY and this takes the piss out that
Anticipated Athens Boys Choir Bar Mitzvah Superhits Of The 80s, 90s, And Today trans artist, deals with trans issues
last forever (chill mix) Kim Petras last forever trans artist
Glorimar’s Whore House (Excerpt) DJ Sprinkles Bassline.89 Trans artist with an unfortunate history of cissexism.
Seminole Wind Gravemist HEILIGES LICHT presents Landwirtschaft somebody told me this band has a trans member
Just Ask Adhamh Roland Patchwork and Threadbare trans artist. I like this song because ze sings about how ze likes hir body, in a nice alternative to the “trapped in the wrong body” bullocks. This artist is cool. click through.
Gender Rebel Olias Fall Quandary trans artist and trans lyrics, but uses the word “hermaphrodite” for shock value. Not sure what to think.
Home Jonathan Rachel Williams Trans artist. Cool. Has a podcast.
Gender Frontier Lipstick Conspiracy Miniskirts and Minibars trans band. I saw them play in oakland years ago.
I Forgot My Mantra Bitesize The Best of Bitesize Band with a trans memeber: Julia Serano, the author of Whipping Girl. This band is awesome!
Understudy Bitesize Sophomore Slump
Dirty King The Cliks Dirty King awesome band from Canada with a trans front man. Recently voted sexiest Canadian rockstar!
Genderfuck Elmo Sexwhistle Awesome genderqueer band from Brum!
Stanley, the Manly Tranvestite Camp Records From the 1960’s
Are you listening? dewdrop_world with the voice of Lady Gaga
Oh, If Only You Were More Nekromantik! Bolivar Zoar Bolivar Zoar A Mills band!
Camden Town Rain Mary Lou Lord Stars Kill Rock Lesbian lyrics
Rebel Girl Bikini Kill Singles The Joan Jett version
Where The Girls Are The Gossip That’s Not What I Heard lesbian lyrics
On Guard Le Tigre Feminist Sweepstakes
Lésion Mouche Anatomie Bousculaire Lésion-Mouche French lesbian punk rock
I Love My Daddy… Messy Messy – Happily Ever After this band is awesome
I Wanna Be Your Joey Ramone Sleater-Kinney Call The Doctor 90’s riotgrrl queercore
Uncle Phranc Team Dresch Captain My Captain
Pansy Twist Huggy Bear Taking The Rough With The Smooch British 90’s riotgrrl queercore
It’s Practically Freedom Lesbians On Ecstasy We Know You Know
No Home Ellen Fullman/Konrad Sprenger Ort Friends! Good music!
Legions (Reverie) Zoe Keating One Cello x 16: Natoma
Aaj Ki Raat (Tonight Is the Night) Kronos Quartet Kronos Caravan Music I like form the San Francisco area
Polka Peoples Bizarre Peoples Bizarre
My Fuzzy Muse Amy X Neuburg Residue
Prognissekongen Jaga Jazzist One-Armed Bandit Prog rock – Ingo liked this one
1997 (Tonight we’re gonna party like it’s…) Sleepytime Gorilla Museum Grand Opening and Closing! Oakland-based prog band
Mummy Secret Storage Blectum from Blechdom De Snaunted Haus Another Mills band! I took a bunch of music classes with half of this duo
20060401-transplanted slub London-based live-coding group.
The Gloaming (DJ Shadow Remix) Radiohead
Marine Diam’s Au tour de ma bulle (live 2006) Anti-fascist french hip hop
Never Cold War Intuition + Method Friends
5 Million Ways To Kill A CEO The Coup Party Music Oakland based leftist hip hop
Girls & Boys Blur Parklife Girls who are boys who like boys when they’re girls . . . this should be the theme song to wotever
Fuck The Pain Away Peaches The Teaches Of Peaches This might be the theme song to Wotever.

There’s some possibility that I might get asked to DJ again. If you’re in a band with LGBT people or sing about LGBT themes and you want me to play you, you should send me mp3s! (This is just a ploy for me to get free music. ) If you are in such a band, you may wish to contact Wotever, especially if you’d like to play a gig.
I did not play every track that I came with, alas, but next time!

Writing Letters

Ok, so this arrested couple in Malawi has been in the news lately. To quote the New York Times, “A gay couple in Malawi sentenced to 14 years in prison for ‘unnatural acts’ . . ..” The good news: they were pardoned! Yay!
The bad news? From the same article, “Late Saturday, Mr. Chimbalanga, who has said he considers himself a woman in a man’s body, and Mr. Monjeza were released from custody.” What the fuck is this? I don’t even . . .
The AP Stylebook has fucking rules about how you talk about trans people. They do not include referring to women as “Mr.” nor “he.” Nor do they involve referring to man/woman couples as “gay.” That sentence above is the most ungendering piece of shit they’ve yet to turn out this century. Yes, he might consider himself a woman, but here in New York, we certainly know better! Because, apparently, Africans are not worthy of having their identities recovered? Or is the NYT just looking for any excuse to be transphobic in general?
Alas, the Times is not alone in this shit. I highly encourage you to write letters to any newspaper you see that disregards the gender identity of Ms. Chimbalanga.
Seriously, we in the first would want to be all moral high ground about this, but our newspapers can’t seem to manage to respect her either.

To: letters@nytimes.com
Subject: AP Stylebook Guidelines for referring to transgender people
Dear Sir or Madam,
In your article, “Malawi President Pardons Gay Couple” (http://www.nytimes.com/2010/05/30/world/africa/30malawi.html?partner=rss&emc=rss), you mention that one of the people arrested, Ms. Chimbalanga, identifies as a woman. The AP Stylebook has guidelines for how to refer to transgender people. It does not include referring to transgender women as “he” or “Mr” nor does it include referring to man/woman couples as “gay.” I have no idea what your motivation is to entirely disregard and disrespect this woman’s identity. It is entirely inappropriate and you should know better.
Thank you for your time,
Charles Celeste Hutchins

Snare Drum

Or clap or whatever. I don’t actually like snare drums or their ilk very much.
Here’s the part where I can push faders around to get good values:


(
 SynthDef(snare, {|out = 0, freq, rq, hpf_d, hpf_cv, curve, dur, amp, pan = 0|
 
  var noise, hpf, hpf_env, env, panner, imp;
  
  noise = PinkNoise.ar(1);
  imp = Impulse.ar(1/(dur + 0.1), 0, amp);
  
  env = EnvGen.kr(Env.perc(0.0005, dur, amp), doneAction:2);
  hpf_env = EnvGen.kr(Env.perc(0.001, hpf_d, hpf_cv, curve)) - 12;
  hpf = RHPF.ar(noise, (freq.cpsmidi + hpf_env).midicps, rq) * env;
  
  panner = Pan2.ar(hpf + imp, pan);
  
  Out.ar(out, panner);
 }).store;
 

 Conductor.make({|cond, freq, rq, hpf_d, hpf_cv, curve, dur, db|
 
  freq.spec_(freq, 200+660.rand);
  rq.spec_(rq, 0.45 + 0.1.rand);
  hpf_d.sp(1, 0.0001, 1.45, 0, 'linear');
  hpf_cv.sp(24, 0, 36, 0, 'linear');
  dur.sp(1, 0.0001, 1.5, 0, 'linear');
  db.spec_(db, 0.2.ampdb);
  curve.sp(-3, -1, -8, 1, 'linear');
  
   
  cond.pattern_(
   Pbind(
    instrument, snare,
    db,   db,
    freq,  freq,
    rq,   rq,
    hpf_d,  hpf_d,
    hpf_cv,  hpf_cv,
    dur,  dur,
    curve,  curve
   )
  );
 }).show;
)

That requires the Conductor Quark. I’m not sure about that sound design, anyway. And here’s the final version:


 SynthDef(snare, {|out = 0, hit_dur, amp = 0, pan =0|
  var noise, hpf, hpf_env, env, panner, imp;
  
  noise = PinkNoise.ar(1);
  imp = Impulse.ar(1/(hit_dur + 0.1), 0, amp);
  
  env = EnvGen.kr(Env.perc(0.0005, hit_dur, amp), doneAction:2);
  hpf_env = EnvGen.kr(Env.perc(0.001, 0.92, 16.8, -5)) - 12;
  hpf = RHPF.ar(noise, (78.34 + hpf_env).midicps, 0.57) * env;
  panner = Pan2.ar(hpf + imp, pan);
  Out.ar(out, panner);
 }).store;

Make of it what you will. That single impulse at the beginning gives it a good start, but it doesn’t have that paff or bappff – that roundness of attack – of a real snare or even a good analog drum machine. I used to have such a machine, which I didn’t actually make ver much use of. Now it lies abandoned in California, alas and woe.