Noise Music for Busy Professionals

Continuing to work through Etsy’s guide to holiday marketing, let’s look at what else customers (that’s you!) need:

  • They need context. They need to know why, among all those other gift ideas threatening to bury them, your product is a good choice for specific people.

In my previous post, I wrote: ‘This is noise music for busy professionals, for people who are new to noise or for folks who just like miniatures.’
Consider for a moment that every culture of humans on earth makes art and music. No matter how isolated or remote, everyone’s got art and music. Music is a human universal. Indeed, it’s part of what makes us human. We all know we need music – that’s why mp3 players are so popular. But why noise music in particular? And why miniatures?
Well, what is noise? This gets into some deep philosophical issues! There are some great books on this that I can’t hope to summarise here, so let’s just say that noise music is made up of sounds not often currently used in music. Noise has sounds, textures and forms that are currently outside of established boundaries of most music – for now. But music is constantly changing and needs new forms, sounds and textures! Today’s noise sound is tomorrow’s pop sound. Noise music is, in fact, the future of music.
It’s not the immediate future. Indeed, noise music offers potential futures. But by listening to noise music, you hear the cusp of music before others. If you’re a busy professional, you know that those who get ahead are the ones who anticipate trends before they happen. So much capitalist success is realising what’s going to be in demand in advance, so you’re able to come up with the supply.
Obviously, for capitalists, there’s more to life for work – there’s also conspicuous consumption. But it’s good to be in practice on keeping ahead of things, inside and outside your fields. Your friends and colleagues will recognise your far-sighted views, when you share a commissioned noise music piece on your social media account – whether on the tried and true CIA-data-gathering of facebook or the trendy and exciting ello, your contacts will know that you’ve got your eye on the horizon!
Because the piece is short, it gives you a bite-sized glimpse into the future, without unmooring you from the demands of daily life. Yes, you’ll be transported, but still have plenty of time to make your train! And, indeed, your associates who are curious about your new work of art, will be willing to give the whole thing a go. Your cultural capital will increase as a result of your far-sightedness and the easily digestible length. What could be conspicuously consumed than a short musical commission!
Is someone in your life is a rampant capitalist, super busy or would just appreciate and extra bit of cultural capital? Short noise pieces make great gifts. Order now and delivery is guaranteed in time for Christmas or Hanukkah. Act now to get the sale price of just £5 for one piece!

How Noise Commissions are Made

I’ve just read the Etsy Guide for building one’s shop, including a section on what customers (that’s you!) need:

  • They need a story. They need to hear how your product is made, and what brought you to create it. They need a reason to become attached to you and what you make.

The making of a minute of noise starts with material gathering. For acoustic pieces, some of this may have already happened! When I was sat in the bell tower of San Giorgio Maggiore, Venice, waiting for the hour to strike so I could record the bells ringing in 2011 or just last month in St Augustine’s Tower in Hackney. Or, I might go out to acquire sounds, sticking microphones to clothes washing machines, or in refrigerators, or to get the squeal of breaks at Tower Hill Station. Perhaps, even going further afield for your composition, dangling microphones just into the edge of active volcanoes, to get the sound of it melting! I don’t re-use sounds, so whatever sounds I’ve gathered for your piece will only be in your piece.
For analogue sounds, I’ll probably start plugging cables into my synthesiser, but might try a zero input mixer going to a chaotic filter bank. No to patches are alike. It’s nearly impossible to recapture a patch once it’s unplugged, even if I wanted to. For folks after digital sounds, I’ll fire up SuperCollider and start creating a timbres and a tuning to go with them – based on a bespoke tuning algorithm. (Which I should really publish a paper about, actually. If you want to try it yourself, its in the TuningLib quark.)
Once I have a base layer of sounds, I’ll start manipulating them, either varying their sounds for the minute duration or finding extra sounds to go with them. Obviously a minute is not very long, but well over a hundred discrete events can happen in that time, all of which must be related to each other in order to make musical sense, but different from each other in order for progression. What features will vary over the minute and by how much? What sonic glue needs to hold the thing together?
Usually, for a one minute piece, I’ll have three major sonic ideas, all of which will be closely related to each other.
Every piece comes with program notes explaining how it was made, where the ideas came from and how it was assembled. For digital pieces, the source code to create it is also available! You can find examples of past commissions, including recordings and program notes on my podcast.
I started making one minute pieces in 2007, when I was in a bit of a rut and bored by everything. I didn’t want to listen to anything for very long. I ordered my iTunes library by duration and only listened to stuff that was less than two minutes long. If I only wanted to listen to such short pieces, it stood to reason I should only write such short pieces. But while working on them, the possibilities of the duration just began to expand. I was spending about 4 hours to write a minute and that time investment was getting longer and longer, as more and more subtlety and opportunities for expressiveness became clear.
I took a break from writing shorts, not because I wanted to, but because my supervisor told me that my PhD could not be all one minute pieces. so, reluctantly, I began working on longer pieces again.
Why have I come back to this short duration? Not just because of the wealth of possibilities, but also because of extreme personal grumpiness. Your music is handmade by a curmudgeon in Hackney.
But why should you want a minute of noise? Because it’s the best duration for grumpy people! Even somebody with an attitude that could sour milk will find a minute to enjoy a hand crafted piece of noise. Your friends and associates will all be happy to listen for one minute. A minute is accessible on many occasions! You can spare a minute to listen to something. This is noise music for busy professionals, for people who are new to noise or for folks who just like miniatures. Short noise pieces make great gifts. Order now and delivery is guaranteed in time for Christmas or Hanukkah. Act now to get the sale price of just £5 for one piece!

Music comissioning is back!

Folks, I’m offering up to 30 commissions this November of 1 minute long noise music pieces. You as the commissioner get to name the piece. Your role as titler and commissioner will be mentioned in the program notes. If you commission a piece as a gift, or in honour of another person or of an event, the person and/or event will also be mentioned in the program notes. A new piece of music will be created, just for you! Within a week, you will get a copy of the piece emailed to you in the audio format of your choice (MP3, AIFF, WAV, Apple Lossless, AAC) and have one week in which to come up with a title (I reserve the right to nix titles that I deem offensive). I retain copyright, but the piece will be released under a Creative Commons Share Music License, so you (and the honoree) can share the piece with friends via CD or the internet.
As a special feature for this burst of commissions, you can optionally specify if you want your piece to be acoustic, analogue or digital. Also, optionally, let me know if you might use the piece as a ringtone to ensure it gets composed to sound good and loud coming from a mobile phone. All commissions will be delivered in time for Christmas or Hanukkah.
The introductory price for the first 5 is £5. This will go up shortly, so act now to get it. This is for digital delivery only. You are free to burn your piece of music on to CDs and give them away to friends, but if you want a signed CD from me, that’s also possible for an extra £3 + postage.
Get it from my Etsy shop!

Why restart this project?

I still need a few more short pieces before I can put out the long-awaited CD of shorts. And also, the last time I did this, I was in a bit of a rut where I hadn’t really written anything for a while and it got my composing again, so hopefully, that will also work again now.

Trying out Samaritans Radar

I’ve (temporarily) signed up for the Samaritans Radar app. I thought this would be a smartphone app, but it’s not. It’s a little twitter app that reads posts looking for keywords and sends an email if it sees anything it thinks might be alarming.
I’ve got two notifications so far. The first one comes from a tweet from before I added the app:

Oh, irony is not dead.
The other notification was for this tweet:

It sent me an email about 20 minutes after that was first posted, which is a bit late for a ‘I’m going to kill myself … right now’, but possibly ok for people building up more slowly. (A later notification for a different tweet arrived after only 7 minutes.) Gmail autofiltered the email to my Updates tab, which means it did not generate an alert on my phone. All of the updates I got have been in a single thread, so I could move it to the primary inbox if I were concerned.
The email told me:

Dear @celesteh,

Radar has spotted a tweet from someone you follow who may be going through a tough time.

Read the tweet here and find out how you can offer support.

View Tweet Now

If you need more information on how to help your friend or if you need some support yourself, please visit www.Samaritans.org

Clicking through on the ‘View tweet now’ takes me to a web page.

My Radar

Hi @celesteh
This is the tweet that Radar has spotted

Are you worried about this Tweet?
[yes] [no]

Clicking yes gets a small pop up window overlaying the tweet in question:

What to do:

You’ve indicated that the tweet might be worrying. Here are some tips on what to do next:

  • Have a look at their tweets, is this a one off? Out of character? Has it been going on for long?
  • Try sending them a tweet (or perhaps a DM, Email, Text?) gently asking how they’re doing.
  • Could a mutual friend have the same worries and help approach them together?

You might want to try and meet up with your friend, or arrange a time to chat on the phone?

  • Offer Samaritans contact details and suggest they call if they want to speak to someone anonymously : 08457 90 90 90
  • For more information and help with knowing what to say visit www.samaritans.org/radar

And that’s it. None of the pages had any queries or information relating to the nature of different relationships I might have with the potentially troubled tweeter. For example, if I got a tweet like that about an underling that I line-manage or have power over at work, that is not addressed. Nor is any mention made of the equalities act.
This tool does not give me access to any information I did not already have access to. It only shows me tweets already visible in my timeline. Therefore, concerns that it could out somebody as trans or LGB do seem misplaced, as it only shows me what people have already decided I should be able to see. I don’t know, but I suspect it will also work with protected tweets, so it will send me alerts about tweets that aren’t public, but, again, the person decided I could already see them. (This does raise larger concerns about how twitter apps run by big data companies are a way of circumventing privacy controls set by individual users.)
Again, this app draws my attention to tweets that would have been in my timeline anyway, but that I may have missed because of the massive volume of tweets that go by, or I may have scrolled past it without noticing. I can see why the Samaritans were surprised by people getting upset about privacy concerns, as this is much less invasive than is all of facebook or a lot of other twitter-based data gathering.

Previously on this topic: Posting to the Internet

Posting to the internet

I’m seeing a lot of people upset over an app made by the Samaritans. This is a twitter app that listens for some keywords and phrases that might indicate if one of your contacts is having a hard time. If they are, it gives you some nudges to reach out to offer them some support. This is obviously well-intentioned, but many are concerned about potential misuse, for example, by employers who want to discriminate against people, or bullies.
I would think the vast majority of people installing an app like this have good intentions. If your manager sees that you’re having a rough time via this app, well, they’re already following you on twitter and could very easily stumble across your unhappy posts by accident. Having this app indicates that they at least like the idea of supporting people, but, yeah, they could very well make poor decisions about what to do with a struggling underling. It’s not clear whether this app makes that any more likely. It does call attention to possibly unhappy tweets by the employee, but hopefully a well-intentioned manager is aware of the Equalities Act (and hopefully this scenario occurred to the programmers, in the user interaction between the app and the concerned person).
The bully argument is a bit more troubling, as, alas, it’s all too easy to imagine someone installing this just to keep tabs on varied target lists. This linked post is concerned about transphobic abuse, which is all too common, but its also easy to imagine this being exploited by GamerGate. In the hands of sociopath, this use is, indeed, troubling. However, it is merely automatic a task that they’re possibly already doing manually.
I think people’s major concern is the inherent creepiness of a piece of software following you and attempting to diagnose your mood and mental health problems via your public posts. This concern is not misplaced, but the targeting the Samaritans probably is. The truth is, untold numbers of apps do this already. We don’t know how many, because they’re under no obligation to tell us. Twitter makes available via their API a raw stream of everything posted to twitter. Every single post in real time. You or I cannot make use of so many tweets blasting out at us, but Big Data can.
Right now, there are programs running, looking at twitter, scanning every single tweet. They are looking for patterns. Some of this is completely benign. In the relatively recent earthquake in Napa, California, analysts were able to use tweet times and geolocation to figure out where the quake was big enough to wake people up. A lot of people, after making sure they were safe, reached for their smart devices and tweeted they’d felt the earthquake. Researchers were able to make a very nifty map, showing where it woke up the most people to where it seemed to waken virtually no one. That’s nifty, right? But it does require doing a lot of looking at where people are and whether they would normally be tweeting at that time of night. It’s not an invasion of privacy, because it’s public and maybe it doesn’t seem squeamish at all, but this is an unusual example.
Many twitter applications are looking for mentions of brands and what emotive words are used next to them. Many years ago, I tried to get a job blogging for a brand and they mailed me in the information pack every single public live journal post that mentioned their brand. All of them were public, but many of them were kind of embarrassingly personal. The authors never imagined them being disseminated to corporate types. This same thing still goes on, but a much more massive scale.
And its not unheard of to try to trace individuals. Target’s datamining certainly includes twitter.
We’re fine with giant corporations, security agencies and, yes, our bosses knowing everything we tweet. How do I know we’re fine with it? We all use twitter and nobody objects. Until some well-meaning do-gooder tries to make an accessible, helpful version of this.
Twitter’s entire business model relies on sharing this kind of information. This is not a case where they could be reformed into better behaviour. If you don’t want to be mined and you don’t want to tweet anonymously, consider using a privacy aware service to make posts like this – one that will share your tweets only with the people you say you want them shared with. So if you’re having a really really rubbish day and post, ‘I feel so down today, I’m at a loss and just don’t know how long I can carry on’ it will be seen by the people you want it to be seen by and not everyone on the entire internet and not a corporation out to sell your moods and data to anyone who will buy it.
If you want privacy control for posts, use Disapora for them. If you want the world and everyone to know what you’re thinking, use Twitter. There are times were it makes sense to use either. But even if this app gets withdrawn with muttered apologies, don’t assume you know who is reading your tweets. They’re public and anybody could be – and certainly is – gathering them.

Spoetry

The following was submitted to the SuperCollider-london email list. I can only assume that it’s meant to be raw material for creativity:

Fitzgerald, when will you learn t

Ing in every family, if one only inquires. Your nerves are over-strained. I wish you’d go to bed, and let me have some one to see you. You are looking like a ghost. Mrs. Denham. I feel like one. But I am not going to haunt the scene of my crimes any longer. I am going away–going away! Denham. Well, I’m going with you, then, to take care of you. We’ll send Undine somewhere, and go abroad for a while. Mrs. Denham. Oh yes. You can be kind enough, if that were all. Denham. Will you never make peace? Mrs. Denham. The only peace I _can_ make. Denham. What do you mean? Mrs. Denham. I shall trouble you no longer. Denham. My dear girl, don’t talk like that. It is ghastly. Constance, I must go to Fitzgerald with this wretched drawing. I have to give some directions about the reproduction. I sha’n’t be long. Promise me that you won’t do anything foolish–that I shall find you here when I come back Mrs. Denham. Yes–you shall find me here. Denham. That’s right. (_Goes to settee, and takes up shawl._) And now lie down here, and let me cover you with this shawl. Mrs. Denham. Very well. (_She lies down._) Arthur! Denham. Yes, dear. Mrs. Denham. Kiss me once before you go. Denham. Oh, if I may! (_Kisses her._) My poor Constance! I would give my heart’s blood to comfort you. And meanwhile I’ll send you a better thing–tea. Mrs. Denham. Thank you, dear. You have always tried to be good to me. You could not help being cruel, I suppose. Denham. I want to be good to you always. Well, good-bye, and God bless you! (_Kisses her._) Mrs. Denham. God bless you! (_Exit Denham._) Mrs. Denham. (_listens for a while, then starts up_) He had tears in his eyes when he kissed me. Poor Arthur! he thinks we are going to patch it up, I suppose. I am to live on pity–a man’s pity, more akin to contempt than to love. Why _should_ he love me? I was not born to be loved, not made to be loved. And yet I wanted love so much. I wanted all or nothing, and I have got pity–pity that puts you in a madhouse, and comfortably leaves you to rot! Oh, my God! is this madness–this horror of darkness that seems pressing on my brain? (_A knock at the d<!DOCTYPE HTML PUBLIC “-//W3C//DTD HTML 4.01 Transitional//EN”>

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And another one:

the whiteness of her

Hink she could have got hardened in that little while to do what she’s done.” “I know–I know that,” said Adam. “I thought she was loving and tender-hearted, and wouldn’t tell a lie, or act deceitful. How could I think any other way? And if he’d never come near her, and I’d married her, and been loving to her, and took care of her, she might never ha’ done anything bad. What would it ha’ signified–my having a bit o’ trouble with her? It ‘ud ha’ been nothing to this.” “There’s no knowing, my lad–there’s no knowing what might have come. The smart’s bad for you to bear now: you must have time–you must have time. But I’ve that opinion of you, that you’ll rise above it all and be a man again, and there may good come out of this that we don’t see.” “Good come out of it!” said Adam passionately. “That doesn’t alter th’ evil: HER ruin can’t be undone. I hate that talk o’ people, as if there was a way o’ making amends for everything. They’d more need be brought to see as the wrong they do can never be altered. When a man’s spoiled his fellow-creatur’s life, he’s no right to comfort himself with thinking good may come out of it. Somebody else’s good doesn’t alter her shame and misery.” “Well, lad, well,” said Bartle, in a gentle tone, strangely in contrast with his usual peremptoriness and impatience of contradiction, “it’s likely enough I talk foolishness. I’m an old fellow, and it’s a good many years since I was in trouble myself. It’s easy finding reasons why other folks should be patient.” “Mr. Massey,” said Adam penitently, “I’m very hot and hasty. I owe you something different; but you mustn’t take it ill of me.” “Not I, lad-


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I’ve done some editing, removing bits of HTML and the spam links, but there may be masterpieces in your spam trap, awaiting discovery

Moving to Diaspora*

For many reasons, I’ve decided to drastically curtail my involvement with Facebook and move my social networking efforts towards Diaspora. If this name sounds vaguely familiar, it’s because they were briefly famous a few years ago when they launched the site before it was ready. However, despite a troubled start, developers have kept working on it and it has gotten to be pretty good. This post explains a bit about disapora and turns into a short tutorial.

Decentralisation

Diaspora is not one site but many. If you think about email: I use email through my university, my wife uses hotmail, many of my friends use gmail. We have different providers, but we can all email each other. And if next week, google decides to close gmail or do something awful with it, everyone on gmail can migrate to another mail server and still send and receive emails. Because there’s a standard for how email works, we have lots of choices about where we get our email. This is somewhat annoying, but also good – we’re not tied to any particular company and if our host gets annoying we can leave.
Diaspora is somewhat like that. Every email user has some email server/provider. Every Diaspora user has a pod. It’s decentralised, like email. However, all the pods look almost identical when you log in, so there’s only one user interface to learn.

Picking a pod

I’ve just signed up for a handful of pods and have recommendations! People in North America or who are into the arts should join shreckislove. (Loving Shreck is optional.) People in the EU should join Despora.de.
If you want to do your own research or try out a few pods on your own, there is a resource podupti.me, which gives statistics about various pods.
You can join as many pods as you would like or have as many identities as you would like. Make an account for yourself and one for your drag persona and one for your band.

Signing Up

Those links above take you straight to the sign up pages for the pods. That should be pretty straight forward. For the username, you need to pick something like you might pick for your email address or twitter @username. Remember your username, because you’ll use it to log back in later.

Signing up will take you to a welcome screen. Ignore the part that asks for your name and click on the button that says, ‘Upload a new profile photo!’. It will pop up a window to pick an image from your hard drive. Pick one you like. A little yellow banner will appear at the top of the screen saying ‘OMG you look awesome’ and the user icon will update to your image. When this is done, scroll down. There’s a box that asks for hastags. Type in a few words that you’re interested in, starting them with #. So if you like puppies, type #puppies. This will not effect your profile right now, because of a bug, but will effect what public posts you see in your stream. After you type as many or as few topics you want to see posts on, click the button that says ‘Awesome! Take me to Diaspora.’ If you decide to skip putting in any hastags, it will ask you if you’re sure. Click ok.
When you first log in, they give you some help text and your screen looks something like this next image.

Edit your Profile

As nice as that is, let’s start by modifying our profile. In the upper right hand corner, you’ll notice your username@your_pod. Click on that and you’ll get a little menu. Click on profile. Then, on the next screen, click on the button that says ‘edit my profile’.
Everything on your profile is optional. Give as much or as little information as you want.
The top part is your public profile. This is stuff that is visible to random people. Fill in what first and last name you want to use in the name boxes.
For the box that says ‘describe yourself in 5 words, it wants hashtags. If you like puppies, zimba, bicycling, pizza, and anarchism, you would type all of those words starting with #. It will try to do some auto-fill magic for you and a menu will pop up as you type. If you see what you want to type, you can click on it, or else just keep tying your word until its all typed and the hit space. Your word, #puppies, will have a blue box around it. You can put as many or as few hashtags as you want for your interests.
Below that is your private profile. This will only be viewable to people you add as contacts. You can type whatever you want for your bio, your location, and your gender. (Mine is set to ‘manly’. It’s completely open.) Then is your birthday, which you can fill in or not. Below that, you can select if you want to let people search for you. And then below that, you can set your profile as NSFW, is you plan to have a lot of content that might perplex people’s prudish line managers.
Click ‘update profile’. This will take you back to the first screen you saw after making your account. The one that says ‘Well, Hello there.’ At the top left of that screen, you’ll see some words on the top bar. One of them says ‘stream.’ Click on that.

Add a contact

We’re now back at the stream page. At the top right, you’ll see a search box. Click on that and type: celesteh@joindiaspora.com . A drop down menu will appear. Type in the whole term and then wait a moment. Hit enter. You will see my profile.

Near the top, to the right of my name, you’ll see a pull down menu that says, ‘Add contact’. When you click on that, you’ll get a list of ‘aspects.’ The default opens are friends, family, work, or acquaintances. Aspects are a way of categorising your contacts. then, when you post stuff, you can control which aspects see your posts. Let’s say all your poker buddies join diaspora too. You could make an aspect called ‘poker’ and select it when you’re posting about upcoming games or inside jokes from previous games. Any contact can be in as many aspects as you want. So your sister-in-law Eva who you play poker with and who is also your coworker could be listed as ‘friends,’, ‘family, ‘work’, and ‘poker’.
right now, though, you’re looking at my profile. Click on ‘add contact’ and then select ‘make a new aspect’. A window will come up asking you what to call this aspect. Nobody but you will see the name, so type in there ‘pedantic tubists’. Click create. Now you have an aspect for slightly boring tuba players. However, the box will stick around, in case you feel like making lots of aspects. Just click cancel to get it to go away. Then hit reload on the page. Now you will see ‘pedantic tubists as one of your aspects. Select that one and whatever other ones you think I might belong in. I am now your contact! Click again on ‘stream’ at the top of the page to go back to your stream.

Posting / the stream

the stream page is like the feed on facebook or twitter.

at the top is the box you use for posting stuff. Let’s make a test post and make it public:

I am #newhere and I really love #kittens and #anarco-syndicalism

Click ‘preview’ to get a preview (you will have to close the helpful welcome popup to see the preview). Click post to post.
That post defaulted to public, which means it’s viewable to many people on diaspora. Remember when we said we liked #puppies,#zimba, #bicycling, #pizza, and #anarchism? Public posts usually have hashtags and those are the hashtags we said we’re interested in. When people post something public containing the hastag #pizza, it will end up in our stream. We just posted about #newhere, #puppies and #anarcho-syndicalism, so people following those tags will see our post.
If we want to post to just our aspects, we could type the post and then select the desired aspects instead of public. For example, we might type:

I prefer having a with at least 4 valves to a three valve compensating tuba.

And then, instead of public, select ‘pedantic tubsists’. We can set any post to as many aspects as we want.
These posts will show up in our stream, along with posts from our contacts and public posts from other people who have tags that we’re interested in.

Notifications

You may have noticed, at the head of every page is a little icon that looks like a satellite, that sometime shas a red number next to it. Those are our notifications. It lets you know somebody has commented on your post or started sharing with you. Etc. Click on it to get a list of notifications.
those notifications also go to your email address, which is something you might not want. To get to the settings, click on your name in the upper right hand corner, then click on ‘settings’. Near the bottom of the settings page, you can select when you want to get email. the other setting may also be interesting to you.

Connecting with your friends

Unfortunately, for now, the best way to find out if your friends are on diaspora is to ask them directly or via another platform, such as email, twitter, facebook, etc.
Let’s say you find out your friend Amy is on diaspora. You want to give her your disapora id. That is your username @ your pod. If you signed up as catman on sheckislove, your userid is catman@shreckislove.us. Or, if you signed up with the username potnoodle on despora.de, your disapora id is potnoodle@despora.de. This looks like an email address, because it’s got both your username and your pod. there might be more than one catman or more than one potnoodle on all of diaspora, but there is only one on your pod.
If you are ever unsure about your disapora name, you can find it by looking at your profile. Click on your name in the upper right hand corner and then click on profile.

It says your name across the top of the profile and then, to the right of that, it has your username @ your pod. That’s the ID you need to give to people you want to connect with.

Have fun

This is hopefully enough to get started. Leave a comment if you have questions.

A Hug from a Stranger: Saturday Night in Lower Clapton

I was waiting with Sonia at the bus stop, when she saw a man across the road collapse. I went over and he didn’t seem to speak English, so I waved Sonia over because he sounded Russian. He couldn’t get up, so I lent him a hand, but then he was having trouble standing. I had a bunch of his clenched in my fist, as he swayed back and forth. Sonia decided to call the paramedics.

He noticed me touching his back and threw his other arm around me, leaning into a hug, I thought to keep his balance, but he lay his head on my shoulder. I told him everything would be ok, but his hot breath on my neck was more intimate than I expected. He moved his head and I thought he was going to kiss me, so I moved my head back away from him. He stood apart and then embraced me again. I kept my head away from his this time and he started to walk away, but was unsteady, so I lead him to the bench in a bus shelter.

He sat down and after a moment, started bashing his head against the back wall of the shelter, with an angry intensity. I put my hand on the back of his head and asked him to stop, but he didn’t understand. After a while he gestured angrily that I should remove my hand, so I did. Three teenagers came up, waiting for a bus and told him to sleep it off. One of them said he was a rap star and would pay the man a thousand dollars if he quit bashing his head. The man listened and as soon as the kid stopped speaking, bashed his head with greater force.

A paramedic arrived on a motorcycle, which the kids ran over to flag down. The high-vis vests medics wear don’t look all that different from the ones the police wear and the man became more alert and said a few words in English, but ran out of vocabulary quickly. Sonia and I left them to it, but after a few moments, the man had enough and walked away as quickly as he could. The paramedic spent the next ten minutes filling out paperwork. We watched from the bus stop back on the other side of the road as a young woman approached and put on his motorcycle helmet, and sat on his bike, asking for a ride, until one of her friends dragged her away. Sonia’s bus came and I walked towards home, the feeling of the man’s boozy breath still tingling uncomfortably on my neck.

Letter writing

Dear Sir or Madam,

I found your story ‘Meet Nell Pickerell‘ to be fascinating, but I was dismayed by your use of pronouns. The author writes, ‘Nell appears to have been consistent in viewing herself as a man.’ Given that consistency, wouldn’t it be more correct to refer to him as ‘he’? Most style guides, including the AP guide, do say that pronoun use should conform to how the subject views themself. I would like it very much if you could please correct this otherwise excellent article.

Best,
Charles Hutchins
London, England

How can a journalist get something so right and so wrong at the same time??

My Week

I am posting about my week, something I used to do here with more regularity. I’m not sure if this last week has been busier than most, but has involved more modes of transport.
On Saturday, Sonia and I went to a wedding out in the countryside, held at the Bride’s family’s manor. It was a lovely wedding. They had a live brass band (note to self: try to find a brass band ASAP). At the end of the evening, the later soul and broke up in a screaming fight that threatened black eyes. We stayed in ahotel room in the town near the manor.
On Sunday, we decided to look around for a place to have breakfast that was not a horrible, soulless chain restaurant and that didn’t have Muzak. This took a while and we were later than intended back in London, which meant we were in serious danger of missing our skype appointment, so we stopped in an internet cafe near Paddington. The dream of the 90’s is alive in a Paddington basement. I was in so many internet cafes just like that in my travels in 2001 and this place was a perfectly preserved specimen of the era. It was fantastic. And the meeting went well. The pracher, Sonia and I formed a todo list of things that needed to happen by the following Sunday. Not one of those things has been done.
Honestly, I don;t really remember Monday at all. I think I put a few things in boxes and then went to Sonia’s dad’s house.
On Tuesday, Sonia, her dad and I drove to Dover and then took the ferry to Calais. We went to the Carrefour in the outlet mall there and I felt despair. The British experience of France is very different than how Americans tend to approach the place. Sonia’s dad went for a swim in the channel. We drove to a village I’ve forgotten the name of and had crepes and carrefour items. Then we went to Montreuil and checked into the most picturesque hotel I’ve ever seen. On the inside of the room, none of the walls were at right angles to each other and some sagged in completely different direction. The room was done up entirely in dark wallpaper with roses on it that covered every surface, including the ceiling. I felt somewhat dizzy whenever my eyes were open. We had dinner and then the next day went to The Wine Society and bought enough wine for the London wedding event and loaded it into the car. then we went back to the Carrefour, back for another swim in the sea and back on the ferry.
On thursday morning, I stuffed most of what I own into boxes and in the afternoon, a removals van arrived and took my stuff to Hackney, were it was strewn around the house fairly randomly. So I’ve moved house, but I have no idea where my socks or underwear are.
On Friday, I brushed up on how to cite things in wikipedia and then went off to the She Must Be Wiki feminist film wikithon at the ICA. I was originally meant to be leading the workshop, but then some volunteers from wikimedia got in touch and sort of assumed control of things, which I was fine with, but, in retrospect, it did set a bit of a tone, of which the implications become more apparent. Anyway, rather than go on about it, I do tend to have a different method of workshop delivery which assumes a higher competence of participants and takes less time, but I certainly have less experience with the wiki project. Uncomfortably, all of the people setting out to add feminist content were women and all of the ‘wiki experts’ were men. I use the scare quotes because, although the other three men have thousands of edits each, one of the women organising the workshop certainly has more edits than I do. The leader was trying to address the gender inequality of wikipedia, which is very nearly 90% male, by resorting to gender stereotyping, which I did not feel was entirely helpful. Another volunteer mentioned in passing that the project was founded on an ‘Objectivist philosophy’, which I think better explains the disparity. It’s not really surprising that something founded under a pro-sexist, pro-racist, pro-classist philosophy is overwhelmingly staffed by extremely privileged people. The ability of ‘axe-wielding feminist mobs’ to access the tools does not address the inherent problems in the organisation.
After the edit-a-thon and a panel session, they showed the film She Must Be Seeing Things, which is about a white bisexual filmmaker and her black lesbian partner. It’s funny, well-constructed, interesting and, as the introductory speech noted, pre-figures some of the shifts in LGBT culture that came up in the 90s. For example, they’re a butch-femme couple, more in line with modern ideas of queerness than the ideals of the 70s. Cross dressing and a certain amount of cross-gender identification is a repeated theme. There is a film within the film, directed by the femme character. The lead character of that film often functions as a stand-in for her partner. That character would certainly be seen as trans* now, but at the time, was seen as a woman who gradually ‘forgot her womanhood’. The butch lead also cross dresses and, in a scene that may be resonant for some trans* viewers, wanders transfixed into a dildo shop to inspect the wares. Shelia Jeffries was apparently outraged.
After the film, I went to a birthday party at a pub in Tooting, which is in south west London. My new house is in the North East, so it was kind of a journey. House parties are a relatively rare thing in London, as most people want to entertain in pubs. A lot of people don’t have much space. Pubs don’t have annoyed housemates lurking about. You don’t have to clean up a pub before inviting people around to it. Anyway, it was a fun party.
Tomorrow, I’m going to move some furniture, do some things on the todo list, and got to trans pride in Brighton.

Apropos of nothing in particular, I’d like to offer some random advice:

  • If what you’re saying is actually a long plea to explain how you’re a good guy or deserve a cookie, maybe stop talking.
  • Don’t apologise for the actions of your ancestors. Nobody cares about how you great grandfather was sexist or racist and it really is quite easy to see how you’re trying to deflect attention from yourself and your own poor actions.
  • If you don’t identify as a feminist or a feminist ally, try to find somebody who does to come to feminist events in your stead.