Dear Bossy

Dear Bossy,

some lesbians I know are about to get married in Canada. Should I respond by talking about how Canada is about to split apart like the Balkands and fall into war, disarray, terrosrism and famine?
confused in Cupertino

Dear Confused,

No. Grit your teeth and say, “congratualtions.”

Dear Bossy,

On the subject of lesbian marriage: when I talk to lesbians who are planning on getting legally married overseas, should I just avoid the issue by not bringing it up? I don’t want to hurt their feelings by telling them that they’re damned to hell.
Silent in Silicon Valley

Dear Silent,

No, most certainly do not tell them that they will buring in hell. They’ve obviously heard it before and it hasn’t changed their mind. The problem is that if you say nothing at all, they will assume that you think that they’re hellward bound and you’ve hurt their feelings anyway. Grit your teeth and say “Congratulations.”

Dear Bossy

I’ve been invited to the reception of a lesbian wedding. I have nothing against sodomites personally, but I beleive that marriage is only for people who aren’t disgusting perverts. These sodomites are friends of mine. Do I have to go?
Disgusted in Daly City

Dear Disgusted,

Your responsibility ends with saying, “congratulations.” You are free to skip the reception. Say that you will be in the Balkands or Canada and can’t make it. Be sure to respond to the RSVP, though. You can also skip sending a gift (in fact, your friends may not want gifts…). If you are especially close, you might send a card.