Political Apologies

My fellow Americans, when I wrote a song about Mitch, I never meant to offend anyone by writing, “I like Mitch, even though he’s straight.” Those who know me can attest that this was only meant to be humorous. I don’t look upon anyone due to their sexual orientation. Heterosexual people can’t help the way they are and we should look upon them with tolerance.
Um, just kidding. Great and straight just ryhme so well. I’ll look for a replacement. Please stop sending me hate email. I sincerely hope that Mitch’s feeling were not hurt. I hope that he would contact me directly if they were. I’m very very sorry. It won’t happen again. From now on, I promise to banish perjorative terms, such as “breeders” from my vocabulary. It’s time that we as a nation moved beyond such petty distinctions to a happy utopia where queers and hets can live in harmony.
even though nobody on earth has ever been straight bashed by anyone shouting “breeder,” it’s still a very naughty word, like calling white folks “redneck crackers,” which is something that’s also very very naughty. Naughty Naughty Naughty. Mia Culpa. dern humorless hets…